What Falls Behind
by RosyRock
Summary: What happpens after the Naked Now? AU PC M


WHAT FALLS BEHIND

_"Bravest are those that let love be their guide."_

Part I

_Jean-Luc_

Jean-Luc Picard was in his ready room. He sat back in his chair, his thoughts turning once again to her. He couldn't seem to keep his mind off of her lately, no matter what he did.

He had tried to read and listen to music, he had tried the diversions that the holodeck had offered and then the physical demands of endless fencing bouts.

And now here he was, back to square one.

He gave in and let his mind wander. He knew what other people thought about her. 'Ice Queen' was one description that sprang to mind, and up until last week,_ icy_ was an entirely apt term for how she had treated him. And after what he had said to her, he could hardly have expected her to act any differently.

He winced as he remembered his half arsed 'welcome aboard' speech in Sickbay. No sooner had she returned his greeting than he launched straight into how he had protested her posting to the Enterprise. He groaned inwardly as he recalled the surprise and anger in her eyes. She had ended up taking it personally, and rightly so. He was still at a loss to explain his behaviour towards his CMO that day, but then no woman had the power to upset his equilibrium as she did, and if he was honest, always had.

They had carried on, politely avoiding one another, until the Psi 2000 virus had taken hold of his crew, including himself and the doctor. He thought about how she had cornered him in his ready room and… _"Oh God, would I love to show you."_

Jean-Luc Picard exhaled deeply.

He now found himself watching her, keeping tabs on her and what she was doing…he had never felt himself to be that sort of person. That he seemed capable of this unsettled him, badly. But then he had never thought he was the kind of man to fall in love with another man's wife either.

There was a senior staff meeting tomorrow and he knew she would be there, seated beside him, her uniform properly zipped this time, no creamy flesh on display no sexy smile, no low moaning plea for the '_comfort'_ that he could offer her…

He shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. He was going mad. He wondered again for the umpteenth time if he was being affected by some sort of residual after effects of the virus, before dismissing it. He was just going to have to pull himself together.

_Beverly_

Doctor Howard sat staring at the screen of her padd. She had scrolled up and down this same page at least ten times, reading and re-reading the same information. She sighed and tapped the padd against the palm of her other hand. She had known that when she requested this assignment it would mean hard work and dedication, and by the very nature of her calling, long hours. But for the last few days she had been feeling her concentration slipping, her mind wandering, and it annoyed her intensely.

She had a staff meeting in the morning and she was supposed to be presenting her findings into the mutation of the Psi 2000 virus. Oh yes, she was sure looking forward to that one! Beverly felt the tide of colour sweep up her neck and over her face. That incident in Jean-Luc's ready room! There was enough humiliation in that to keep her feeling flustered in his presence for at least the next year. She caught herself using the captain's first name again and checked herself. Ever since she had experienced Will Riker's reaction to her casual use of the captain's first name at Farpoint Station she had made sure she had addressed him only by his official title. This had been reinforced by the captain's attitude towards her. She felt a flare of anger as she remembered his words to her in Sickbay, how he had 'protested' against her posting to the Enterprise. He had cited personal reasons for this and had managed to simultaneously piss her off, both personally and professionally. She had hid her irritation under a blanket of cool civility that had been effective, until last week.

Her hand moved absently to the fastening of her uniform as she remembered the sensual, intoxicating fingers of mental fog that the Psi 2000 virus produced, stripping away the inhibitions, leaving behind raw feelings of… attraction, desire or was it just plain lust? She flushed hotly. It was bad enough finding out that she had those feelings for Jean-Luc in the first place, but what had shocked her to the core was that the feelings of attraction hadn't abated as they should have.

Beverly stretched and stood up. Then she shook herself mentally. Enough of this! The whole episode was just an aberration. She slung the padd onto her desk with a satisfying sense of dismissal. It would not happen again.

_Jean-Luc_

The senior staff meeting was almost over. The workings of the Psi 2000 virus had been dissected and with the doctor's report, would hopefully be laid to rest. He noticed that the doctor's fingers were tapping the edge of her padd in a nervous little tattoo. He pondered this for a moment before meeting her eyes. Her expression was inscrutable at best. He leaned back in his chair and nodded towards her. "Anything you wish to add, Doctor?"

She smiled tightly and read her closing comments from her padd.

Jean-Luc took a quick look around the table noting that all eyes were on the doctor before he relaxed and let his own gaze wander over her. She had always been coolly professional with him at all times, she had never given him any indication of wanting anything more from him, so why had she done it? Why had she come to him? Could it be that under that cold professional demeanour, she was attracted to him?

He suppressed a sharp thrill of pleasure at the possibility of this.

The doctor continued to talk at length about the modifications that had been required to isolate the mutated water-carbon complex of the new virus, hardly touching on the topic of its physical symptoms on the crew at all. Jean-Luc found himself listening to her voice, dwelling on how clipped and analytical it sounded now. Not at all like before, when she'd given him that flirtatious smile, and in a low, breathy seductive tone told had him that she found him... "_Extremely, extremely..."_

"Thank you, Doctor," he rapped out curtly, oblivious to the fact he had cut her off in mid sentence.

He noticed that the doctor's eyes narrowed at his interruption, but she said nothing. Brusquely, Jean-Luc dismissed his senior officers. He got up from his chair in the observation lounge and went to stare moodily out of the viewing window. He watched the doctor's reflection as she paused and turned back towards him on her way out. She stood for a moment, seemingly lost in thought, then abruptly spun on her heels and left.

_Beverly_

Beverly felt her temper rising to dangerous levels as she rounded the corner to sickbay.

She couldn't believe it! He had cut her off in front of her fellow executive officers like she was a fucking school girl. She could not understand his terse attitude towards her. The staff meeting had gone better than she had expected. She had made it through without embarrassing herself or him. Her carefully worded report had left no room for Freudian slips, no juicy information had leaked out. Nobody would ever know what had occurred between them. He should have thanked her! Instead she had been rewarded with hostility. She had almost called him on it after the meeting, but in the end she had decided against making a scene with the bridge crew so close by.

What had shaken her was how she had felt after his harsh comment, she had been angry at him it was true. But her overwhelming urge had been to find out what was the matter with him. After his terse dismissal, she had almost reached out to him and touched him on the forearm. His first name had nearly left her lips. In front of everyone, for God's sake! She had only just stopped herself in time. Beverly let out a frustrated groan. What the hell would that have done for her credibility as CMO?

She reached her office and sat in her chair, taking a long deep breath to calm herself down.

This was ridiculous. They were both adults. They could sort this out. She would go to see him this evening and clear the air. He could rebuff her. But she didn't think he would. Jean-Luc Picard had always been scrupulously polite to her before her posting here. He had never given any indication since she arrived that he saw her as anything more than a dedicated doctor. Hell, he probably hadn't even known she was a woman until she had nearly stripped off in front of him last week. How much more of a fool could she make of herself any way? What was the worst that could happen?

_Jean-Luc_

Jean-Luc Picard was fuming at his own stupidity. He had arrived on the holodeck after his shift for a match of _terpau_. He had been practising the ancient Vulcan kendo-like martial art lately to help redirect his pent up tensions. He had been succeeding this time too; his holographic partner had borne the full brunt of his ill humour this evening. Jean-Luc had just about beaten the living daylights out of the hologram with his _tevul_ stick.

He had just started to feel his frustrations diminish when he had allowed himself to be distracted by the thought of how she would look, practising terpau, standing there before him on the holodeck, her tevul stick raised as she bore down on him, her skin slicked with sweat from her exertions and her breath coming in sharp panting gasps, her breasts rising and falling…

The unexpected strike of his holographic opponent's tevul stick had sent him reeling. His lack of attention had meant that he had not quite raised his stick in time to deflect the blow and had as a consequence taken almost the full force of the stinging hit across the side of his face. Of course the holodeck safety protocols had been engaged, but the blow had been hard enough to cause the side of his face from the bottom of his cheek to the top of his eyebrow to swell and discolour with the beginnings of a nasty bruise.

Humiliated, he had abruptly terminated the program. Even though he knew that Beverly was not on duty, he had not gone to sickbay for treatment, preferring instead to come back to his quarters, where he tried to reduce the swelling as best as he could with a cold compress.

He paced the floor of the living area in his quarters absolutely furious with himself. He still couldn't quite believe he had allowed himself to be beaten at terpau by a hologram! He had always taken pride in his ability to be in control of any situation. His hand moved involuntarily to his cheek, he winced as his fingers gingerly touched the side of his face. Now he had been left with graphic evidence to the contrary.

It was as if the Psi 2000 virus had opened the lid on the Pandora's box of his psyche, letting all of his demons out into the daylight, and now he was left to desperately try and put them back inside, bury them down deeply where they belonged.

He brought his fist down on the table, and gave vent to his frustration with an x-rated expletive.

Then the door chime sounded.

_Beverly_

Beverly had dressed with care. The outfit she had chosen was conservative and plain. She grimaced at her reflection in the mirror. _No seduction tonight_. She planned to just turn up at Jean-Luc's quarters. Once there, he would hopefully invite her in and then she would give him her carefully prepared speech. If all went well she would add the truly tortuous apology that had her taken ages to get just right.

Then she would turn tail and get the hell out of there.

Cautiously she made her way to his quarters on deck nine. It would never do to attract too much attention. Finally she stood before the captain's door. She reached for the chime and at the last moment a thought struck her, what if he had company? What if there was a woman he was seeing discretely? She chuckled to herself. On the Enterprise D it would have to be very discrete indeed! What if he was busy or what if he was just out of the shower? _Oh good one Beverly, _she thought to herself.

She actually began to physically see-saw backwards and forwards with indecision as a thousand other doubts bubbled to the surface.

This had been a very bad idea.

She turned and walked back down the corridor, getting half way to the turbolift before she stopped. What in heaven's name was she doing, was she actually running away from him? Did Captain Jean-Luc Picard scare her? She snorted. Not likely!

She had skipped dinner to write down and memorise her speech to him, and that sacrifice would not be for nothing.

She walked all the way back to his quarters and taking a deep breath reached out for the chime.

Just as she pushed it there was a loud bang, followed by a fierce shout. Beverly's courage fled in an instant and she turned on her toes and went to make a run for it, but before she could, the door to the captain's door slid open. She heard him choke out her name in a shocked voice, and then his hand flashed out to grab her around the arm.

_Jean-Luc_

Jean-Luc practically dragged her into his quarters. As the door slid closed he realised that he still had a hold of her arm and hastily let it go.

She was looking at his face.

"What happened to you?" she said softly, her fingers reaching out to him.

"Terpau hit," he heard himself say.

She came closer. "It looks painful."

Jean-Luc made himself stay rock still as the doctor's fingers gently took hold under his chin. She tilted his face this way and that to get a better look at the contusion.

"How'd it happen?"

_Well, I was having an erotic day dream, doctor, in which you happened to feature. The resulting blood rush to my nether regions left my brain unable to function properly and as a consequence, I nearly had my head caved in by a tervul stick wielding hologram..._"I was distracted."

She smiled. "You certainly were."

It seemed to him her hand lingered on his face a moment longer than was absolutely necessary, her gentle fingers doing more to soothe his injured skin than any dermal regenerator could.

She was so close. Her perfume, delicate and light, played havoc with his senses. Her bright red hair was casually tied back, but a few stray wisps refused to conform. They lay against her neck in sinuous coppery curls. He noticed for the first time that she was out of uniform and wearing a dress that tried hard to be modest, but it seemed to him it clung to her curves, highlighting the flare of her hips and the soft swell of her breasts. Her bare leg was visible through a slit in her skirt, only millimetres away from his hand. If he moved even slightly he would be able to stroke the smooth creamy skin on her leg with his fingers. His imagination moved into overdrive and his throbbing arousal was instantaneous.

Her eyes met his. "I could fix that for you," she said softly.

Startled, he jumped away from her like a scolded cat.

She moved towards him. "It's very swollen, but I should be able to make you more comfortable within seconds." She looked around. "Do you have a medkit here in your quarters?"

_Beverly_

He didn't answer right away and his attitude was starting to get her irritated. "Captain, I can assure you that I am fully capable of healing a simple contusion with a dermal regenerator."

"Beverly, please. I'm fine," he said softly.

A delighted shiver ran through her. He had called her Beverly! He hadn't used her first name since he'd come to see her in sickbay. Suddenly she realised that she had never been _just _Beverly to him. She had always been his best friend's wife, then Jack's ex and more recently, 'Doctor.'

Beverly found she liked the sound of her name on his lips. She wondered how it would feel to have him groan it breathlessly into her ear and to hear it moaned out loud in lust. If he hadn't distracted her in his ready room, she could have made him do just that. She was certain of it. Oh, he had tried very hard to control himself and keep his demeanour detached, but when he had pressed against her against the ready room wall, she had physical evidence of just how much of a lie that had been. It wouldn't have taken much effort to have cracked that rigid self control and sent him over the edge. He would have given her what she wanted. She knew it.

Jean-Luc was watching her. She gave him a nervous little smile and looked down. "I think I'd better be going."

She looked up again. He was coming towards her and dear god, she couldn't move.

"Why did you come here tonight, Beverly?" he whispered.

He watched as she struggled to find her words. "I came to see you, to..." she cleared her throat. "To get all of this sorted out."

He raised an eyebrow. "This?"

She gave an exasperated little sigh. "Yes." She was making a fool of herself again.

He moved closer, an amused smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He ran his fingers along a stray curl, pushing it behind her ear. "Beverly, what exactly do you mean?"

"You and me, what happened in your ready room. I mean we're both adults, we've known each other a long time and..." Her mouth went dry. The tension between them grew.

Beverly turned away, but his hand came to rest on her waist preventing her from moving. He was behind her now, so close she could feel the heat of his body.

Her insides were churning. "Look, this wasn't supposed to happen," she said lowly.

She felt him tense, but she pressed on. "Jean-Luc I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I just came here to say sorry for how I acted last week. Anything else is purely in your head."

His hand left her waist. "Really?"

She turned towards him. "Yes. Really."

He sighed wearily. "All right Beverly, if that is how you wish to play it."

She eyed him quizzically. "Play it? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not playing anything. You were my husband's best friend and I don't see you as anything more than my captain."

He swore vehemently in French.

Beverly caught her breath. "I beg your pardon?"

His eyes locked on hers. "I said, bullshit."

She was stunned. Coming from a man like the captain, this profanity was absolutely shocking. "This is crazy!"

"I agree." But instead of abandoning the argument he closed the space between them.

His hands reached out to cup her face and he lowered his head until his mouth was just inches from hers. "Enough," he said, and then his mouth was on hers.

He kissed her gently at first and then his teeth fastened teasingly onto her bottom lip before he drew away. "Do you want me to stop?" he said softly.

Did she? Was this really the reason she had come here? That thought had come out of nowhere but it was impossible to ignore. But if she stayed, what did she have to lose?

Her dignity?

Her integrity?

Her self respect?

Oh lord, what did she really want?

Beverly lifted her eyes to his and the look of fierce arousal in them startled her. Her lips parted to protest, but the words were never uttered because he stopped them with a small shake of his head. "Trust me," he said.

She didn't answer. He had asked something of her that she didn't know if she could ever give again.

With a low growl his hands cupped her bottom and he drew her against him. There was an aching inevitability about it, as if he as much as herself, had no control over what was happening between them. It seemed like ever since she had come aboard the Enterprise, they had been heading for this moment and she knew that this time there would be no turning back. She was past making excuses for what she now realised was an irresistible attraction and the outcome of what they were about to do was something she didn't want to consider right now. All she could think of was that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

His mouth descended. She closed her eyes and let herself feel the sensations of being loved by him- his firm lips, his warm hands on her arse, the wonderful feel of him moving against her.

The heat of his body wrapped itself around her. The kiss deepened and lengthened as he demanded a response from her. She gave in and kissed him hungrily, pressing her self again him. And when his mouth left hers to fulfil her fantasy and hotly breathe her name into her ear, she was lost.

_Jean-Luc_

He reached up and loosened her hair so it fell around her shoulders. His free hand cupped the side of her face, his thumb rubbing across her mouth. He tugged her lips apart, and felt her gently bite down on his thumb.

With the scent of her body filling his senses, he was almost overcome by his need for her.

He wedged his leg between hers and his mouth searched for hers again. His arousal was almost painful in its intensity, he wanted her. No that was wrong, he _needed_ her and, god help him, he had to have her.

They ended up in his room. He helped her undress, his mouth tracing a path down her body as it was slowly revealed to him, down her throat, across her shoulders and breasts and lower… He felt her hands at the collar of his shirt, her fingers unbuttoning, her mouth following, he held his breath as her tongue came out to caress his flesh, then finally there was nothing between them but the urgency of their own needs.

He slowed himself down, wanting make this first time with her last. He caressed her breasts and the slender curve of her waist. He gently rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger, enjoying the way she groaned and moved beneath his hands. When his mouth returned to hers, her response was as hot and urgent as he had hoped it would be. His tongue slid along hers and he realised that despite his best intentions was almost at the edge of his self control.

He wanted to be inside her, to bury himself in her. He wanted to feel her close around him, feel her all around him. He wanted to come inside her, drive her to the limits of her endurance, feel her orgasm joining his.

His mouth on hers, he backed her towards the bed. He groaned with satisfaction as she lay down upon it pulling him down with her. He took one pale rosy nipple into his mouth. She moaned, and he laid her back and covered her body with his. He knew she was being controlled by her senses now and he ran his hands over her and was rewarded by her low throaty moans.

He eased his fingers inside her and felt her wetness. He groaned. She was so ready for him. He had thought of this, wanted this for so long that he almost couldn't believe that it was real, that she would not disappear into the ether as she had done so many times when he had awoken from his dreams of her.

He stroked her and she jerked beneath him, her legs splaying to give him greater access to her. She arched towards him, her fingers reaching for him, caressing his shaft, he was trying to take it easy but the agony of suppressing himself became too much.

"Oh god, Beverly," he ground out. He was poised between her legs and in one swift satisfying movement, he thrust into her, expanding her and filling her as he had wanted to do from the moment she had walked into his quarters.

The pleasure was intense, so erotic and sensual. He began to move and he supported his upper body on his forearms so he could watch her face as he took her and they became one. Her hips met his and they were moving together, their mouths and bodies locked in a rhythmic need for one another.

Just when his own climax approached, he felt her muscles tightening around him. She groaned and wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him deeper inside her to add to her pleasure. Her nails dug into his shoulders, driving him on but it was the little cries that she was making that caused him to seriously lose his reason.

He lifted his face from her breasts and let his climax take him over the edge. He felt Beverly's shuddering orgasm along his length as he pulsed into her again and again. Finally, the sensation between them stilled, and he caught her mouth in a kiss. For this moment she was his, he thought fiercely. His lover, his woman.

"You are beautiful," he said gently, and was rewarded by her smile.

_Beverly_

He was talking to her, sacred things of his need for her, how long he had wanted her, wished for her, all the things she that she had never dared to think about, he was saying over and over, she hadn't imagined he would be like this. He seemed so cool, so collected and now…she had never dreamed he would be so vocal, all those words of desire and lust driving her to a peak of arousal that she had never experience before. She wanted him, it was all she could do not to rip his clothes off, but he had stilled her hands, told her that he wanted to take this slowly, but she saw the fire in his eyes as he watched her undress him. She smiled at his intake of breath as she knelt before him to remove his briefs. She lowered them slowly, achingly over his hardened desire. She kissed him there, allowing her tongue to slick wetly down and over his erection, before she trailed a path back up to his mouth.

His control finally snapped and he lowered her backwards onto the bed. The quilt had been cool against the skin of her back, but she hardly noticed. His hands roved over her finding the curve of her breasts, the firmness of her stomach and then lower to run delicately up her thigh. Her breath came in gasps, her body arched. She had waited long enough.

It had been some time since she had given herself to a lover, and her sudden gasp as he had entered her had soon turned into a moan of pleasure as he had started moving, the delicious friction building and quickly sending them both over the edge.

When it was over, she felt his mouth on hers and then he was talking again, and it felt so right laying in his arms, his face looking down at her with such tenderness, that she smiled at him. Jean-Luc gathered to her to him, and for the first time in a very long time, Beverly Howard slept soundly.

Part II

_Jean-Luc_

Jean-Luc woke early. His first conscious thought was of Beverly. He rolled over and held his breath. She was still here with him, it hadn't been a dream. He couldn't stop himself from running his hands over her, and couldn't resist placing his mouth against her neck. He tasted her and she gave out a sexy little groan, he felt his self control slipping severely. He gently traced a finger along her cheek. Her eyes were still closed and he wished she'd open them. Last night had been everything he had ever hoped for. He had no regrets, he couldn't and wouldn't be sorry. He wanted to tell her how he felt, but she was so soundly asleep he chose not to disturb her. He would set the table for breakfast and have a shower. When she woke up he would talk with her, and he would make love to her again. Then they could eat together and hopefully not be too late for duty.

He pulled on his robe and left the bedroom. Smiling as he thought of her, he set the table for two, adding a single rose in a vase for her side of the table. Then he headed for the shower, stopping to kiss Beverly softly on his way.

_Beverly_

She was having the most erotic dream. Hands were running over her, soft touches that made her gasp in arousal. Then the hands were joined by a mouth that kissed and nipped.

She sighed sensuously.

She opened her eyes.

It took her a moment to remember where she was. Then it all came back in a rush. She groaned. Beverly took a peep at the space next to her in the bed. It was mercifully empty. She heard the shower running. Nervous tension was building up in the pit of her stomach. What the hell was she going to say to him? _Thanks for the sex; it's been along time and wow, what a way to make a comeback!_ She had only been aboard a few weeks, pretty fast work for someone who had been celibate for longer than she cared to remember. The attraction she felt for him had overwhelmed her and made her act totally out of character.

She got out of bed and scrambled around for her clothes. She found them lying where they had been shed- on his side of the bed. She blushed crimson. Oh how could she have done this to herself and to him? She had slept with her captain, and now she was going to betray his trust. She winced a little as she put her clothes on. She had used some muscles last night she hadn't used in a while.

She snuck out of the bedroom and made for the door. On the way she passed the table. It had been set for two. She paused; somehow that table seemed to signify everything that she was so damn scared of. It was too intimate, too full on and much too soon. When she had longed to get a sexual itch scratched last night she hadn't wanted to stop and consider the outcome of her recklessness. Now she was confronted by it in all of its painful clarity. She didn't want to hurt him but she just couldn't stay. She needed space, needed to think, and needed to get the hell away.

She fled.

_Jean-Luc_

He finished his shower. He had decided what they would have for breakfast. He remembered that one time, years ago that she had said she liked an old traditional breakfast food called toast, with strawberry jam. But then he remembered so many things about her, little things, like the way she had worn her hair the first time he had ever met her and how she had lowered her head shyly when she laughed. He also remembered too clearly, his jealousy at seeing her fall in love with and marry his best friend so many years ago.

He had only heard sporadically from Jack Crusher since his divorce from Beverly and his re-marriage five years ago. And from Beverly he had heard nothing, until her name had been put forward as the favoured doctor for the position of CMO on his ship. He had debated her appointment with himself bitterly, torn between the temptation to have her with him, to be able to see her everyday and the more practical problems that his feelings for her would cause him. In the end he had protested the appointment, but not vetoed it entirely, leaving that decision in the lap of the gods.

And the gods had for once smiled on him.

Humming to himself, happier than he had been in a long time he left the bathroom. He stopped short and his fragile happiness died in its infancy. The bed was empty. The living area was empty.

She had gone.

Disappointment hit him, sent him reeling in its intensity. He knew violence then. His fingers itched to pick up the plate in front of him, hurl it through the air and watch it smash against the wall. He clenched his fists and forced himself to think clearly. He knew Beverly, it was not like her to do something as hurtful as this. Something was wrong here, very wrong. And he was going to find out exactly what it was.

By the time he had rounded the corner to sickbay, he was calm. Dead calm. It was three quarters of an hour before the start of duty, but he knew she would be here. She was like him. Work provided a salve for all manner of ills. He knew exactly where he would find her.

He halted at the entrance to sickbay and noticed with satisfaction that it was empty.

That would mean that doctor Howard would be in her office, just as he had thought.

He had come here officially to get medical attention for the side of his face, and unofficially, he wanted some answers.

She had a pile of work on her desk. But she wasn't sitting at it. She was facing away from him, her hip propped up on one corner of the desk. She was staring into space, a cup of coffee in her hand.

He cleared his throat.

Beverly lurched so violently that the hot liquid in the cup slopped over the side. "Shit," she said. "You frightened me. Don't sneak up on me like that!"

He wanted to smile. But he kept his face impassive. His voice was formal. "I require treatment, Doctor, for my face."

He watched as she placed her cup down on the desk. "Of course, Captain."

She motioned for him to follow her out into sickbay but he didn't move.

"I would prefer to be treated here, Doctor," he said softly.

Her mouth tightened. "As you wish." She disappeared into sickbay and returned a moment later with a dermal regenerator. She carefully healed the contusion, making sure not to touch him this time, he noted grimly.

He looked her in the eye. "Well, Beverly," he drawled suddenly, "is this how it is going to be between us, hostility in public and passion in private?"

Beverly swallowed. "There was no _passion,_ there will be no more _private,"_ she snapped.

"How can such a beautiful mouth lie so much?" he said coolly, moving towards her.

Beverly backed away.

He smiled cynically. "Stop backing away from me, you only make me want you more by doing that. You should know after last night, that is not the way to keep me away from you."

"Then tell me the way, and I'll use it," she said and then gasped as her back hit the door frame and she was trapped."

"There _is_ no way, Beverly," he said under his breath as his body touched hers.

There was a long tense silence.

When he spoke his voice was soft. "You left in rather a hurry this morning, didn't you?" He expected no answer from her and none was forthcoming. He pressed on. "What is it, why are you so frightened of what happened between us? I asked you to trust me. I could never hurt you."

He could see her temper flaring. "Jean-Luc, please!" she said fiercely. She lowered her voice to a vehement whisper and avoided answering him outright. "There will be no more _us_!"

He drew a deep breath. "Then why did you let it go so far between us last night?"

She tried to shrug nonchalantly. "I'm human, I occasionally find myself giving in to temptation."

"Occasionally?" His voice deepened as his struggled to understand her. "What do you mean? Do you do this all the time—let men take you to bed for the night?"

"No," she said, her voice furious. "I have never done anything quite this foolish before, and I hate myself for having done it now."

He was stunned. "You expect me to believe that you were just amusing yourself with me, is that it?"

She remained silent.

"I do not believe that of you, Beverly Howard. Now you will come to me tonight and you will talk. I will listen. You will tell me what has happened to you to make you act like this." He finally moved away from her.

"You don't need to wait until tonight. I will tell you right now who did this to me, who hurt me so badly that I don't think I will ever get over it." She turned to him, her eyes burning with emotion. "It was my husband."

He stared at her in disbelief.

Her face was hard. "Yes, Jean-Luc, it was Jack. So now you know, you can go. There is nothing else to say."

Jean-Luc stared down at her, for a moment he was rigid with shock, his mouth a hard white line.

"Your husband?" he asked her hoarsely. "Jack did this to you?"

She nodded, her eyes closed. "I can't talk about this now. Please understand that."

Jean-Luc was still shaking his head. "He hurt you that badly?'

Beverly gave a broken little laugh. "A wise woman once said, 'more tears are shed over answered prayers, than unanswered ones.' And I can tell you from bitter experience that she was right." She looked at him sadly. "I'll see you tonight. I owe you that much." And slinging the dermal regenerator on her desk, she walked out of her office.

_Beverly_

After duty, Beverly escaped to her quarters. She lay down on her bed, the beginnings of nasty headache forming. She knew she could easily disperse the pain with a hypospray, but perversely she didn't want to. She wanted to feel it. Let the pain wash over her. Punish herself with it. She wondered idly what the new Betazoid counsellor would make of that.

She asked the computer to lower the lights and closed her eyes. She tried to do the relaxation exercises that she had been taught years ago to help with the stress caused by her destructive marriage.

She tried to let her mind drift, allowing it to empty, but it kept rebelliously returning to Jean-Luc. She gave up and turned her thoughts to him. She knew inside she was locked up and suffocated by layers of hurt. Was he the one who could help her, make her forget the damage caused by her ruined marriage? Jean-Luc had seemed truly concerned about her, and he was so different to Jack. But then again, was he really? Her husband had once been gentle; he had once whispered words of love, promised to cherish her, to keep himself only for her. Ha! What hollow promises they had been.

She felt a surge of bitterness. Jack had fooled her, but he had been able to fool everyone, Jean-Luc included. It had been obvious this morning that he had no idea about the state her marriage had been in, but Jean-Luc had been Jack's friend, he would have heard what Jack wanted to tell him. She sighed and rolled onto her side. Beverly thought back to the beginnings of her wreck of a marriage. She had so many dreams, stupid wide eyed dreams—a fairy tale happy marriage, a wonderful relationship with a man who loved her, a child made out of that love. Her hand wandered to rest down low on her stomach, a soft lingering touch as she remembered the child that had once lain in her womb. Oh, how she still grieved the loss of her baby, the derailment of all her dreams and hopes.

The tears came then, for her unborn baby and for what might have been. She curled her legs up until her knees were under her chin and keened mindlessly, frantic sobs wracking her body.

Eventually, she fell into a fitful slumber, dreaming of a baby's desperate cries and the sorrow of a thousand shattered hopes.

The door was chiming.

It registered in the recesses of Beverly's mind. She opened her eyes and sat up. The niggle that had started as an annoying hindrance had now turned into a full blown headache. She sat up, rubbing her temples. The door chimed again. "Go away," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around herself, lowered her head and sat rocking backwards and forwards on the edge of the bed.

_Jean-Luc_

He was worried. He had tried to contact her and she wasn't answering her comm badge.

Now he was standing outside of her quarters, leaning on the door chime. After the fifth attempt he used his override to get in. Her quarters were in darkness, but there was a faint light coming from the bedroom. He found her sitting on the edge of the bed curled into a tight ball. He felt fear grip him. _Had he driven her to this?_ He instinctively wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "Beverly, are you all right?" he asked softly.

She raised her head and he swore softly under his breath. She was not alright, far from it. She tried to smile. "I'm fine, Jean-Luc. I just have a headache."

His fingers gently wiped the tears from her eyes. "You've been crying."

She didn't deny it.

"I waited for you. When you didn't come, I got worried. I used my override to get in."

Beverly stood, brushing his hands away. "I fell asleep. I'm sorry if you were worried. I lost track of time. I'm fine now. I'll get a hypospray for this headache and then..." her hand flew to her temple and she swallowed. "I will be okay."

He looked at her doubtfully. "You stay there. Tell me where the medication is and I'll get it for you."

She sighed. "Top drawer." She motioned to the dressing table.

Jean-Luc opened the drawer, he pushed things aside and found the hypospray and then he paused, his hand stilled. Disturbed by his rummaging was a small article of clothing. A tiny little baby's shoe, lovingly hand knitted. He picked it up, and smiled. It was obviously a keepsake from Beverly's childhood. He turned towards her, and gave her the hypospray with one hand, the tiny bootie dangling from his finger by its ribbon in his other hand.

"You must have once had very small feet to have fit this little shoe, Beverly. It looks handmade, did your _maman_ knit this for you when you a baby?"

He looked to her, and his words died in his throat at the stricken look on her face.

Beverly shook her head, and the hypospray fell out of her hand to the floor. "No," she whispered, "that was never meant for me." She took the tiny shoe from his hand. "I knitted this myself, for my son."

He was incredulous. "You and Jack had a son?"

"I had a son, yes. He was stillborn at 20 weeks."

Jean-Luc grappled with the enormity of this information. Beverly had lost a child and Jack had never told him? He shook his head. It was unbelievable. "I never knew that Beverly, I am so very sorry."

Beverly's voice grew bitter. "It was probably my greatest failure in our whole marriage as far as Jack was concerned, the fact that I killed his child."

He was shocked. "You can't mean that."

"After I lost the baby, there was found to be some abnormalities in the placenta. In Jack's eyes, that made me responsible."

Jean-Luc put his hand over hers. "Well, Jack was wrong." He picked up the hypospray and handed it to her gently. "Take this. Then we will talk some more." He smiled at her reassuringly. "I will wait out there."

He left her in the bedroom. He sat on the sofa, his head in his hands. He was staggered by what she had told him. Beverly and Jack had a son? Why had Jack never even told him about Beverly's pregnancy? He was beginning to think that he had never really known Jack Crusher at all.

He looked up as Beverly entered the room. He noted with relief that she was looking a little better.

She smiled briefly at him. "Would you like something to eat, or maybe a drink?" She said politely.

Jean-Luc could see she was desperate for something to do, so he asked her for tea. She made herself busy at the replicator and returned with two steaming cups of the beverage. She sat on the sofa opposite him and placed her cup on the low table in front of her. Jean-Luc sat back and sipped his tea, giving her time to continue her conversation.

She exhaled. "I thought that after I had lost my parents on Arveda III that nothing could ever hurt me like that again, but I was very wrong."

Jean-Luc sat up straight. "You were a colonist there?"

Beverly nodded. "I lived through it. I was later evacuated to Caldos, after what I had seen on Arveda, I developed a burning desire to be a doctor. I entered Medical School as soon as I could and I studied hard. I had no time for anything else."

"You had time for Jack," he said flatly.

Beverly looked at him and her eyes narrowed, he wondered if she had heard the tiny tinge of envy in his voice. "Jack pursued me, not the other way around. To me he seemed too brash, just too good looking, a larrikin, not my type at all really."

Jean-Luc felt a compulsion then to ask her what type of man she was drawn to. But he quelled it savagely.

She gave a derisive shake of her head. "Do you know that I was still a virgin until I met Jack? I'd never been with anyone else. At first I think I was bit of a challenge to him. The girl he couldn't lay. Isn't that pathetic?"

He smiled at her. "No it's not. You offered him a very special gift."

She shrugged. "Well, he finally caught up with me. He became my first lover, but I don't know why he decided to marry me, I think that maybe I was some kind of trophy for him, something that you take down from the shelf and dust off, admire, and put away again."

She was lost in thought. "He was an extremely jealous man. I have no idea why. I never cheated on him. I never even came close. But he would accuse me of seeing other men." She looked at the wall over his shoulder, remembering. "He would check up on me constantly. He was convinced I even had a thing for y…" She broke off, her eyes glanced back to him and she blushed. She changed the subject. "He was away from home so often and that didn't help matters much. He wanted children badly. Maybe he thought if I got pregnant and had a child to look after I would be too busy to think about other men. I wanted a baby too, but for completely different reasons. I was trying to save my marriage by this stage."

She shook her head.

"I went off of birth control. I planned a week away, a big seduction scene. And it worked. I got pregnant straight away. He wasn't as happy as I thought he would be. I found out later that he had thought I had fallen pregnant too easily; too conveniently, he had suspicions that the child might have been somebody else's. Of course it wasn't as the tests I did to appease him later showed. My baby was his. Right about the time he had started to accept this, I had the first scare of my pregnancy. I started bleeding. I had treatment and everything seemed fine. I had such plans, so many dreams. I really thought that this baby would bring Jack and I back together, that I had at last gotten something right. That I had finally pleased him." She choked back a sob. "Then one horrible afternoon at about 20 weeks, I realised that I hadn't felt the baby move all day. I just had this feeling that something was terribly wrong. I was too panicky to scan myself so I got my own doctor to do it."

Her voice became detached, clinical.

"I knew what had happened by the look on her face. My worst fears were confirmed. The baby was dead. I was put into labour and my child was stillborn. By the time Jack arrived home, it was all over; our son had been born and buried. When he was told why I had lost the baby, he blamed me. My body had let our child down. I had killed his little boy. He withdrew from me, he wouldn't touch me. He never slept with me again. Soon after, I found out he had started seeing someone else." Her voice cracked and a tear slid over her lashes and down her cheek.

Jean-Luc felt murder in his blood. How could Jack have done this to her? Abandoned her when she needed him most? He struggled to keep his voice calm. "What did you do when you found about this other woman?"

"I confronted him," she breathed sadly, closing her eyes. "And he said…he said…" Beverly broke off, her emotional agony making her put her hands over her face.

Jean-Luc came over and sat next to her, his hand rested on her leg, offering comfort.

"Tell me," he said gently. "Let me help you."

Beverly swallowed, and then whispered. "He said that I had killed his child and to look at me now made him sick. He told me I was hopeless in bed and out of it, I had driven him to cheat, that had no idea how to satisfy a man, any man, least of all him." She looked at him sadly. "I fell apart. He left me to be with her. Last I heard she had given him the son that he so desperately wanted."

_Beverly_

She sat quietly, her head bowed. The torrent of words was over, the emotional dam now empty. She didn't know what she wanted from Jean-Luc. But she did know that the sordid details of her marriage would probably scare him away at light speed. She almost expected to turn her head and see the sofa next to her empty. She was just waiting for him to make his excuses and leave. In her head, she was already going over the polite words she would use when she met him next and he awkwardly avoided her eyes. What she didn't expect was that he would kneel in front of her and gently call her name. That his fingers would softly slide under her chin and raise her head up to his kiss. That his lips would move delicately over her face, his tiny kisses drying her tears, before returning to her mouth, or that this last kiss would be as gentle and soothing as his soft velvety voice.

His lips left hers and she heard him sigh. "Beverly, you have shared with me your secrets. Now I will do the same. I have something I need to tell you, something I have wanted to tell you from the first time I ever met you. So many times I tried, but I was a coward. I sat by and said nothing and let you marry Jack and I sat by again while he hurt you. I hope you can forgive me that." His fingers gently pushed her hair from her face and when he spoke his voice nearly broke with emotion. "Beverly, I have wished for so long to have the chance to tell you this, to let you know how much I love you…Please believe me, I don't want to cause you anymore pain. I only ask that you will allow me the chance to love you as you deserve."

Beverly felt her breath leave her in a shocked rush. How could this be? All this time he had cared for her, loved her quietly from afar? She didn't know what to say. Did she dare do as he asked and commit herself to him, place her trust in him? Beverly could see the truth of his words reflected in his grey eyes and she felt it then, the tiny bubble of hope, the chance to let the past fall behind her. Did she have the courage to reach out to him, to let this gentle, reserved man reach into the places in her heart she had sought for long to keep cold and buried?

She watched his face as he kneeled before her. His love could be a poison, but it could also be the very antidote that saved her. Her broken heart yearned for him and her soul, driven by need, cried out for him. _Let him be the one, oh god, please let it be real this time_.

She held out her hand to him. "Show me Jean-Luc, I want you to show me your love."

He took her hand and stood, pulling her to him. He held her against him, and then he lowered his head to claim her mouth. He parted her lips and she felt the heat in her veins as he kissed her.

Once they were in her bedroom, she stood in front of him, watching his reaction as she slowly undid the fastening of her dress. He remained where he was, very still, staring at her. The dress fell softly from her shoulders and she slid it slowly down her hips and let it fall to the floor. She heard the intake of his breath as she put her hands on his shoulders and let them slide sensuously down his body. "Love me," she said softly.

His hands traced the soft curve of her face and the sensation sent an erotic electric pulse though her. Jean-Luc's fingers trailed a path down and then his hands cupped her breasts through her bra. Her body responded immediately to the caress and her nipples hardened tightly with need.

His hands went up to the straps of the bra. He hooked his fingers underneath and slid the straps down her arms. His hands then went lower to slide her underwear slowly, very slowly over her hips. She stood still and he returned to her bra and unfastened it and with an impatient sweep of his hand he pulled it aside, and let it fall to the floor, exposing her naked body to his gaze. Slowly, deliberately, he let his eyes travel down her. "Ah, Beverly, _je te veux_," he whispered. "I want you."

Beverly moved towards him and they kissed deeply. She could feel him unbuttoning his shirt and heard it fall softly to the floor. She felt his fingers begin to unfasten his trousers. Her hands reached out, helping him and she sighed with pleasure when his was finally as naked as she. She ran her hands over his hard chest feeling with growing excitement the rapid thump of his heart.

Jean-Luc pushed her onto the bed. He straddled her, and his hands moved over her naked breasts. She gave a small gasp as he stroked the silky texture of her skin. He circled her nipples with the tips of his thumbs. He bent his head and let his tongue run over an engorged peak. His lips closed over it and then he was sucking, kissing, driving her mad with need. Her fingers instinctively stroked her other breast as she tried to satisfy the ache building inside her, He sensed her need and his mouth moved to close hungrily over the other breast, his teeth grazed over the sensitive flesh before he drew it in and began to suckle. Beverly felt a mindless need to have him inside her. She heard herself asking him to pleasure her and she felt his fingers softly touch the silky triangle of hair between her legs. She moaned and bit down on her lip as he started to stroke her there. His mouth moved down from her breasts over the soft skin of her belly, kissing, licking, lingering lower and lower until he was between her thighs. He looked up to her. "Let me love you like this," he growled and she could only nod her head. His hands slid under her, bringing her closer to him and then he was kissing her there and his tongue was deep inside her, thrusting, loving, satisfying. Beverly's hips moved her in a sensual rhythm against his mouth. Her hands clenched and her body arched. All too soon she could feel herself at the brink of orgasm.

Her needs grew urgent. "Please, Jean-Luc, I want to come with you inside me."

She felt him pull away and his mouth was replaced by his rigid desire against her hot open flesh. He pushed inside her slowly, making her feel every inch of him. When at last he filled her she shuddered in delicious pleasure and gave out a long, shaking cry of intense fulfilment. Her arms went around him and she felt his hand move down to the bud of flesh between her thighs. He kissed her deeply, sharing the taste of her body with her, and she moaned into his mouth as he stroked her.

His voice was hot in her ear as he told her of the things he wanted to do to her, asking her again and again if she wanted it, needed it..

She cried out, "Yes, oh yes," and then she was coming, moaning in agonised release, every muscle gripped with hot endless spasms, until she rocked to a standstill of sexual satisfaction and opened her eyes.

With a long fierce groan she felt Jean-Luc drive into her, seeking his own release. His lips nuzzled the skin above her collarbone on her shoulder. She turned her head, giving him greater access to her neck and as his climax approached he pulled her flesh into his mouth, leaving the mark of his passion there. She listened to his carnal words of lust as he cried out and spilled inside her and with every pulsing thrust she heard him call her name.

Part III

_Jean-Luc_

They decided to keep their affair quiet. They continued to see each other in private, but in front of the crew they remained as detached from their emotions as it was possible to be.

She continued to treat him with strict icy formality, and he, whilst smiling on the inside, did the same. The months passed and their relationship deepened. It became the single most fulfilling thing in his life. He was with Beverly every night. Sometimes they just talked and listened to music, other times he would read to her, sharing his passion for literature. Most often, however, they would make love. He found he could never get enough of her body. He had the driving need to show her over and over how much pleasure the two of them could make together.

He watched, gratified as the scars left by the past seemed to be fading. The dark shadows of her marriage retreating.

He began to debate the pros and cons of making their relationship known to the crew. He had fallen so deeply for her that it was becoming hard to maintain his stern control over his feelings in public. With a very canny Betazoid counsellor on board, Jean-Luc was expending a lot of his mental energy on maintaining the mask of indifference towards his CMO.

In the end, the decision was made for him. Towards the end of a trying day, Beverly had come to see him to deliver a report that necessitated his perusal and approval. When the doors to his ready room had opened and she had walked in, he felt his mood lighten instantly. She waited until the doors had shut securely behind her before she had given him a smile that sent his blood pulsing downwards.

"Captain," she said.

"Doctor," he countered.

"I have something here that you said you needed." She was waving the padd in her hand, but her eyes were locked on his.

He swallowed, trying hard to keep his unruly thoughts en guard for counsellor Troi's benefit. "Thank you, Doctor. That will be all," he said levelly.

"You look tired, Captain."

"Is that your medical opinion, Doctor, or a personal one?"

A imp of mischief lit her eyes. "Oh, definitely a personal one, Captain."

"Beverly." He had lowered his voice, adding a touch of gentle warning to his tone.

She smiled teasingly. "Yes, sir?"

He laughed. He couldn't help himself, and then he was out of his chair and she was in his arms, his mouth on hers. _Just this one time I will indulge her, _he told himself. He gave in and allowed himself enjoy the feel of her, his hand running down her back to cup her bottom.

Then unexpectedly the ready room door opened to admit a stunned Counsellor Troi.

Jean-Luc almost tripped over himself in his haste to push Beverly aside.

Counsellor Troi's gaze serenely took in the situation before her. "I rang the chime. I assumed…" She stopped short. "It can wait captain. I will come back at a more opportune time."

Jean-Luc looked to Beverly, then back to the counsellor.

"Please, Counsellor Troi, stay."

He saw Beverly nod her head. "Yes. I was just leaving." She cleared her throat. "I think that will be all, Captain. I hope the report was helpful." She smiled briefly at Troi, and then practically ran out of the room.

_Coward_, he thought with gallows humour.

His eyes turned back to the counsellor. He sat back down in his chair. "Please, have a seat."

She sat down gracefully, opposite him, her dark eyes expressionless.

Jean-Luc shifted in his chair, he laced his fingers together and rested them on his desk. He looked at her coolly. "I think I owe you an explanation for what you witnessed just then. The doctor and I were acquainted before her assignment here. But our relationship is now more intimate." He sat back. "I can assure you that our personal involvement does in no way affect how we perform our duties aboard the Enterprise. What you witnessed just now, whilst we were on duty, was an aberration and I can assure you it will not occur again. I also want you to know that I am giving you this information in the strictest confidence. It is to be kept to yourself and used only in your capacity as ship's counsellor."

She kept her gaze upon him and he couldn't help but think that she was taking a moment to empathically judge the truthfulness of his statement. To his surprise, Troi smiled. "May I speak freely, sir?"

He nodded. "Yes, of course."

Counsellor Troi leaned forward a little. "In fairness, Captain, I have at certain times perceived from both the Doctor and yourself a distinct sense of 'interest' in the other that went beyond the usual relationship between CMO and Captain. But I had thought that this stemmed from your previous association. I can truthfully say that I had no idea until just now that your feelings for each other went any further than that."

She looked at him, the same small smile lighting her features. "Although Starfleet does not actively condone fraternisation between officers, it does not have any strict rules forbidding it either. And I can honestly say in this case. I see no cause for concern. You are both senior officers, you have the maturity to put personal matters aside when needs be, and…" She sat back, a trace of humour in her voice. "If you could keep this personal relationship from me, there is no way anyone else on board will be aware of the situation, unless you choose to make it so."

Jean-Luc found himself amused at her use of the pun. "Thank you, Counsellor." He said gratefully. "You are dismissed."

_Beverly_

Beverly looked at Jean-Luc over her glass of wine. He was regarding her sternly. She sighed. "Are you angry at me?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Now why would I be angry at you?"

She chewed her lip. He had a habit of doing this to her, laying a verbal trap and just watching and waiting for her to fall in. "I sort of ran out on you this afternoon." She watched as he sat back.

"Sort of?"

Beverly blushed. "Ok. I _did_ run out on you."

He took a sip of wine. "Yes, you certainly did. You conveniently disappeared, leaving me to explain how I came to have my hand on my CMO's arse to one very stunned counsellor."

Beverly snickered in spite of herself. "I am truly sorry, Jean-Luc," she said, trying to contain her humour.

He lowered his glass. "Well you see, Doctor, the problem is I don't think that a mere verbal apology is going to be good enough. You are the reason that I came to have my hand on that part of your anatomy in the first place. You tempted me beyond endurance, and on duty too." He shook his head. "I'm afraid that you will have to do penance. Come here."

Beverly took one last sip of her wine and placed the glass on the table. She rose from her chair and walked towards him. He reached for her and drew her into his lap.

"For your sins you are going to have to…" he whispered wickedly into her ear and she blushed.

"Jean-Luc!" she choked out. "That is the dirtiest thing that I have ever heard a man say."

"Does that mean no?"

She smiled and started to undo her blouse. "I never said that." She stood up and faced him undoing the remaining buttons one by one.

He was galvanised into action. He stood and reached for her and they fell onto the sofa. She felt his hands walking around, and she stretched giving him greater access to her breasts.

His mouth was on hers and Beverly was just easing his shirt out his trousers when the terminal in his quarters chirped.

Jean-Luc groaned and stood, unconsciously tucking in his shirt. He turned to Beverly.

"Perfect timing." He glanced at the terminal. "It's a priority communique."

She smiled resignedly. "Go answer it then."

She watched as he sighed and walked over to the terminal. She got her wine glass and refilled it; then she went over to the bookcase and studied the various titles, marvelling at his love of old fashioned paper books. A volume of Shakespeare's love sonnets caught her eye. She remembered the way he had looked at her when he had read to her from that particular book. The thought of it still made her toes curl. She hadn't felt so happy in a long time. Jean-Luc had managed to gently restore her self esteem. He made her feel attractive, even desirable. She smiled to herself and blushed. He certainly seemed to enjoy having sex with her. They made love all night sometimes, and he was always very vocal in his enjoyment of her body. All the French she had learned from him was absolutely obscene.

She shivered at the thought of being with him again tonight, sharing his bed letting him do those things to her that drove her wild. She had never enjoyed sex with her ex husband this much. But then, Jack had not been the most considerate lover and at the time she had no comparison to judge him by. He had always fulfilled himself first and sometimes she had almost screamed in frustration at his insensitivity to her needs. He had told her that it was her own inadequacies that had resulted in her not being able to get pleasure from sex, and she had foolishly believed him. After all, she had no experience and their first time together had been very unsatisfying for her. He had hurt her and instead of gently offering comfort he had just kept on driving into her body until she had cried out in pain. She shook herself. She was not going to let Jack cast his shadow over her now. All she wanted was to be with Jean-Luc, to let him love her and to give him love in return. She knew exactly when she had realised that she had fallen for him. That night when he had kneeled in front of her and taken her hand, she had given him her heart as well. God knows what she would do without him. She shivered at the sudden feeling of foreboding. What was the ancient saying? 'Someone walking over your grave.' She pushed the morbid thought aside. She was here now and had no plans to be anywhere else.

She felt Jean-Luc come up behind her, but there was no hug, no caress. Puzzled she turned around and looked into his eyes. She could see he had bad news. She remembered the communique and her heart fell. She tried to lighten things with a smile, but it died on her lips as he spoke.

_Jean-Luc_

She was standing at the bookcase, wine glass in hand. He noticed that she hadn't bothered to re-button her blouse and it kept giving him the most enticing glimpses of flesh as she moved. She was the most sensual woman he had ever met, and yet she was totally unaware of it. She hadn't left her blouse open to tempt him, he was sure. She had no idea how hard she made it for him to concentrate. He couldn't believe how naïve she was in some ways. She blushed so easily, but in bed… he sighed with relish. He had such pleasure in teaching her how to let a man love her. And she was a very fast learner.

He went to the terminal. The communique was terse, unforgiving in its briefness. He grew numb. He re-read it. He exhaled raggedly.

It was from Starfleet Medical. Admiral Sylvia Rourke had personally requested and approved the secondment of Dr Beverly Howard to Starfleet headquarters to take charge of a confidential research project.

Effective immediately. Duration unknown.

He looked over to her. She had her back to him and she was running her finger down the spine of one of his favourite books. He swallowed down his own dismay and disappointment and headed towards her. He came to stand behind her. He didn't move, just stood and watched her, wanting to remember her like this.

She turned and smiled. He felt his face grow grim. He watched pained, as the playful smile fled from her face.

He told her, gave her the news of her reassignment, and saw his own gut emotions mirrored in her face- disbelief, sorrow and then finally grim resignation.

This would be their last night together.

In the end they had made love desperately, tinged with the knowledge that they would not be together again for god alone knew how long. He had been content at first to just lay with her, gently memorising the feel of her creamy skin and the scent of her body, running his hands over her, kissing her. But Beverly had wanted more. She caught up his hands and placed them on her breasts. She had used her hands and mouth to arouse him and had rolled him over until he was beneath her on the bed; then she had taken him, lowering herself onto him, claiming him. She had made love to him urgently, rocking her hips backwards and forwards, her head thrown back in sexual abandonment until just before her orgasm had gripped her and then she had looked into his eyes, letting him see how he had pleasured her. Her mouth had dropped open in a sensual gasp, she had looked into his soul and given him his farewell gift. She told him that she loved him.

Part IV

_Beverly_

All the long way back to Earth, she had kept herself detached and composed. She had rendezvoused with a Vulcan research ship for the first half of her trip and had then been transported on the final leg by the USS Melbourne. She reached Starfleet HQ on a windy, rainy afternoon. When she arrived at Medical she was surprised to be advised that she would not be briefed on her new assignment until that evening over dinner. She was puzzled by the cloak and dagger elements behind this new posting. To pull the CMO from the flagship of the fleet only months into her new assignment to work on unspecified research? Obviously somebody up high had pulled some very powerful strings to swing this.

It made her slightly nervous and more than a little uncomfortable.

She had met Admiral Rourke briefly many years ago, she had a reputation for being a brilliant doctor and medical researcher par excellence, but Beverly had no idea why the woman had taken such a personal interest in appointing her as the head of this research program. Maybe tonight she would find out more. She sighed tiredly, like just what the hell she was supposed to be working on.

She spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking and settling into her new quarters. Once she had finished that, she decided to look into some preliminary research material she had been given. She made her self a cup of tea and sat down to read the information. All the research had been gathered by a woman named Nova Latham. Even in its preliminary stages, the work was engrossing, it ran into many thousands of hours of research, the outline of which included work on neurodegenerative disorders and inherited autosomal dominant diseases. Beverly wondered if she would get to meet Ms Latham tonight. Her work was almost driven in its depth and intensity, and yet curiously, it remained unfinished. She speculated that maybe she was going to be called upon to help in its completion, but why would this field of study be important enough to pull her form her posting on the Enterprise? It just didn't make sense.

Later that evening as she was shown to her table for dinner, she was startled to find that it was set in an intimate section of what had turned out to be a rather small restaurant. She was even more perturbed to find that the table had been set for two people only. Beverly had expected to meet some of her research team tonight. Obviously that was not going to be the case. She sat down and ordered a glass of white wine while she waited.

She spent her time quietly observing the comings and goings of the other patrons and had just allowed herself a moment to let her thoughts dwell on Jean-Luc, when a shadow had fallen across the table. She looked up with a smile, only to have it freeze on her face.

She felt her world tilt on its side for a moment before it righted itself. "Jack."

He smiled at her and sat down in the seat opposite. "You have absolutely no idea how many asses I had to kiss to get you here."

For a moment, Beverly was literally too shocked for words. What did he mean, _he _had brought her here? She watched as Jack settled into his chair. A waiter had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and Jack chatted with him for a few seconds before turning back to her.

"Do you want another drink?"

_Was he kidding?_ Beverly had never needed a drink more. But a clear head being more important, she politely declined and asked for a glass of iced water instead. Jack ordered himself a straight Scotch. The waiter nodded and disappeared.

Jack turned to her; his eyes looked her up and down before he spoke. "You are looking truly wonderful, Bev."

She shook her head. Flattery would get him nowhere "What the hell are you doing here, Jack?"

He gave her a teasing look. "Having dinner with you," he said drolly.

He got no further, Beverly cut him off. "What the hell is going on here Jack Crusher? I get yanked from the Enterprise because of some research assignment and I come to this place to be briefed on my new posting, only to end up having dinner with my ex husband. Can you give me one good reason not to get up and walk out of here?"

"I requested you for this personal project because you are the best. I had Sylvia put her butt on the line to set the whole thing up." He looked at her intently. "And my son desperately needs you. That's three very good reasons right there."

For a dreadful moment she was confused by his meaning. "But our son is dead."

His voice grew soft. "No, _my_ son, Jacob."

She was reeling. "Jacob?" She shook her head. She felt like she was performing in a play and she was the only actor without a script. "I don't understand."

"Beverly, Jacob is my son. He was born a few months after we split. He's seven now."

She kept the hurt from her voice after this revelation, "And your wife?"

"Nova is dead. She was aboard the Tsiolkovsky. She was on the bridge when they blew the hatch."

"The Tsiolvovsky?" The numbness left Beverly's mind and it clicked into gear. "The science vessel we encountered monitoring the red supergiant. The whole crew had been driven mad by the Psi 2000 virus. My god! Your wife was on board?"

Jack nodded grimly. "Yes, Nova was on board. Apparently she signalled the Enterprise just before that stupid fucker blew the hatch on the bridge."

Beverly sat back thinking…the woman's voice that had hailed them…low and insinuating asking if they had men aboard….Then it hit her. That must have been Nova Latham! Motivated by sympathy, her hand unconsciously reached for Jack's. "She is the scientist whose work I was left, the one who did all that research into the neurodengerative diseases. You mean she did this for her son."

He looked at her hand resting on his and something flickered through his eyes.

Beverly hastily pulled her hand back. "I am sorry for your loss," she said stiffly.

He watched her. "I know that we didn't part on the best of terms. I was a complete jerk to you. I know that now. It was the grief, Beverly, losing our baby sent me over the edge. And the thought that I am going to have to go through all that again…I just don't know if I can handle it. Jacob is my life now, all I have left of Nova," his voice cracked with grief. "She had requested extended furlough after the Tsiolkovsky finished its tour. She had spent the last year researching Jacob's illness…"

Beverly spoke gently. "What exactly is wrong with Jacob?"

Jack looked at her through eyes clouded with despair. "Oh, Bev," he choked out. "He has Markov's disease."

Beverly felt her heart break for him. Markov's disease! A rare degenerative disorder, Markov's caused cell death in the frontal lobes of the brain and the basal ganglia. It resulted in neurofibrial tangles that caused atrophy and characteristic symptoms...behaviour changes, amnesia, cognitive impairment... The end result for the sufferer was always the same, dementia and death. But Markov's was a disease seen in the elderly and Jack's son was only seven! He must have an extremely virulent form of the disease.

"How long has he had the symptoms? When was the diagnosis made?" Beverly said softly.

Jack sighed. "He started to have trouble keeping his balance, we thought he was just a bit clumsy at first, but it got worse. Then his personality started to change. He became so abnormally passive, but then at any moment with no provocation he would become violent, harming himself and others. Nova finally pinned his condition down last year. She made it her life's work to find a cure. But now she's gone.. and I.." His voice broke. "I need you, Bev. You are the best damn doctor I ever met. I moved heaven and Earth to get you here; god knows how many rules I broke. All I care about now is Jacob. You have to help us."

Beverly looked into the impassioned face of the man who had once hurt her so badly; every fibre of her being was telling her that this situation was not right. The correct protocols had not been followed and she was being ordered to work on what was essentially a private research project. But what would happen if she protested? There would be an inquiry, precious time would be wasted and Jacob would continue to deteriorate. The decision was made for her. She would help Jack. But she would do it for Nova Latham and for Jacob.

Not for Jack, never for him.

Her fate decided, she squared her shoulders. "Okay. I'll do it. When do we start?"

After dinner, Jack escorted her back to her quarters. At the door he lingered next to her, he placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "I don't know how to thank you, Beverly. I hope that we will be able to have the opportunity to put our past behind us. Maybe we could even become friends again. I would like that."

Beverly shifted uncomfortably. "I hope so too. Now, it is getting late and I want to make an early start tomorrow." She gave him a reassuring smile. "Try not to worry."

He smiled back and his hand moved slowly against her skin.

Beverly felt a ripple of distaste run through her. She cleared her throat. "Goodnight, Jack," she said firmly.

Jack smiled back. He bent and gave her a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth. "Goodnight Bev."

She waited until he had left and then let herself into her quarters. She walked over to where her empty luggage lay on her bed. She picked up her carryall, and something fell out of the side pocket and onto the floor with a thump. Beverly bent down to pick it up. It was one of Jean-Luc's precious books. She turned it over and her heart ached. 'The Shakespearean love sonnets', her favourite book. Jean-Luc must have tucked it into the side pocket of her bag before she had left. She opened it and found that Jean-Luc had written a note on the flyleaf.

_My beautiful Beverly,_

_Being your slave what should I do but tend _

_upon the hours and times of your desire?_

_So live with me and be my love._

—_JLP._

For the first time in days, her composure cracked. The shadows of the past loomed all around her here. She hugged the book to her chest and let the tears fall unchecked down her face.

_Jean-Luc_

He arrived at his quarters after duty to find the message indicator on his terminal flashing. He knew it would be from Beverly. He had been expecting her to let him know how things were going with her new assignment. He got himself a cup of tea and sat down at the terminal to read. Twenty minutes later his tea was cold, sitting untouched where he had left it. He had just finished re-reading Beverly's message for the third time. He sighed and sat back. Her communique had been shocking. She had been seconded for a private research assignment, the patient being Jack Crusher's son. Her message had tried so hard to be upbeat about the whole situation. But he could read between the lines. She was going to have a hard time with this. He felt his anger building. Just how had Jack managed to arrange all this? Jean-Luc found that he was trying hard not to take this whole situation personally. But his dislike of his former best friend was something he could not put aside. He was sure that Jack had somehow manoeuvred this for his own selfish ends. He needed answers. He itched to contact Admiral Rourke and find out just what the hell this was all about. The only thing that stopped him was Beverly's insistence that any official inquiries could jeopardise the project, leaving Jack's son with a death sentence. He sighed and against his better judgment decided to let things be.

_Beverly_

Jack arrived at her quarters the next morning.

Beverly was just in the middle of writing a message to Jean-Luc on her terminal when Jack arrived. She hastily flicked off the screen. That part of her life was definitely off limits to her ex husband. Jack had invited himself in and was presently getting himself something for breakfast from the replicator.

Beverly got up from the desk. "You didn't bring Jacob with you?"

Jack turned towards her. "He was a little out of sorts this morning. I thought that it might be better if I took you to meet him instead."

Beverly nodded. "Okay, that's fine by me." She gathered up her padd and sat at the table quietly reading while he ate.

"Your wife certainly knew her stuff. You say she did all this research in the year after Jacob was diagnosed?"

"Yes. It became her personal crusade. She traveled from one end of the quadrant to the other. Every time a fellow scientist came up with a new angle on Markov's she would get leave and hop the nearest starship and go and meet with them. I was left with the full time care of Jacob."

"That must have been very hard for you"

He looked at her. "I would do anything for my son."

Something about the way he said it sent a chill down her. She shrugged it off and returned to her reading. Jack had been right about Nova's travels; her meticulously written notes included face to face Interviews with some of the most prominent specialists in neuropsychiatric diseases. Beverly sighed. Nova had done so much of the ground work. What was needed now was the time and patience to put it all together, join the dots and hopefully get the full picture. There were many puzzling aspects to Jacob's case. In all her studies Beverly had never come across a spontaneous case of early onset Markov's disease. In fact as Markov's disease was an autosomal dominant disorder it should have been inherited from a parent. It was the most confusing aspect of the whole case. Without the individual genetic markers to follow, it was the single most confronting issue in treating Jacob. And judging by her research, Nova Latham had obviously thought so too.

Beverly absently nibbled on the edge of her thumb.

"You always do that when you read," Jack said softly.

Beverly looked over the padd at him. "Huh?"

Jack reached across and took her hand. "You always bite your thumbnail when you read. After all these years, you've hardly changed at all. In fact, you always were, and still are, a very attractive woman."

Beverly felt uncomfortable. It was on the tip of her tongue to remind him that he had once told her that the very sight of her sickened him. But she pushed the thought aside as unworthy and instead she changed the subject. "Shall we get going? I'm really looking forward to meeting your son."

Jack smiled and looked over at her terminal. "You can finish your message before we go, if you want. I didn't mean to interrupt you."

There was no way she was going to finish her message to Jean-Luc while Jack looked over her shoulder. She shook her head. "No, it's fine. I'll finish it later."

Jack was watching her. "Beverly, I have to ask you not to give out too much information about what you are working on here, the less people that know about this the better. What we are doing here is not exactly by the book."

Beverly nodded. "There is only one person I intend to correspond with while I am here. I can assure you it will go no further."

Jack stood. "Okay then, now that's settled, let's get going. I have told Jacob all about you. He's taken his mother's death very hard. Nova hadn't been around much during the last year, but she had kept in touch constantly. Jacob's verbal skills have been diminishing at a quite a rate lately, and he spends most of his time in bed now, but I know he will be pleased to see a new face."

They arrived at Jack's an hour later. The house was modest, but had all the little touches of a family home. She heard the roar of the waves on the beach behind the house, and looking out of the window could she could see a sapphire blue ribbon of ocean. Turning back Beverly noticed some pictures on a dresser in the lounge room. She went over to them, picking up one of a woman with a small boy. The child was a miniature version of Jack, from his colouring down to the smile on his face. For a moment, Beverly wondered if her own son would have resembled his father so closely.

Jack's voice in her ear startled her out her reverie. "That's Nova and Jacob. It was taken just before he got sick." His face became sad. "He is a shell of his former self now."

Beverly looked again at the robust little boy in the picture and her heart went out to him.

Jack took the picture from her gently and placed it back down on the dresser. "Let's go introduce you."

Beverly followed him through the house.

Jacob's room was towards the back of the house. As they got closer, Beverly heard the sound of a woman's voice. She looked to Jack, a question in her eyes.

"Sylvia is here. She's keeping Jacob company while I went to get you."

Beverly digested this. Admiral Rourke was here?

But as she entered the room all she could focus on was the little boy on the bed. He was sitting propped up, his little body painfully thin and obviously ravaged by his illness. He looked at Beverly curiously and she noted the jerky movements of his face and body, all classic symptoms of Markov's disease. But to see it in a child of Jacob's age made it so much more obscene. Beverly walked over to him and sat beside him on the bed. "Hello Jacob," she said softly.

Jacob looked warily at her, but said nothing.

"He's not very communicative today."

Beverly turned to the speaker. Admiral Sylvia Rourke extended her hand. "It's nice to see you again, Dr Howard. I will no doubt make time to meet with you later. Maybe we can go over some of Nova's notes together. I have some insights of my own that…"

Jack cut her off. "We got back here earlier than I expected, Sylvia. Thanks for your time, but I'm sure I'll be able to take over now."

Beverly saw Admiral Rourke's tight smile. She got to her feet and said goodbye to Jacob. She flashed Beverly a glance before she left the room. Beverly was surprised by what she saw in that fleeting haunted look. _Just what the hell was going on here?_

Jack went to see Admiral Rourke out and Beverly turned her attention back to the little boy on the bed. His jerky movements were painful to watch. "Jacob, my name is Beverly. I hope that we will be friends. Your daddy and I know each other very well and I would like to get to know you better too."

Jacob's eyes slid to her fleetingly and then he looked away.

Beverly leaned forward. "I know your mummy was trying very hard to find a way to help you and I am going to be finishing your mummy's work, but to do that I am going to have to see you a lot. I will also have to do some tests, but they won't hurt."

She kept her tone of voice soft and low. She reached out and took Jacob's hand. "Can you understand what I am saying? If I am going to fast for you, you can tell let me know and I will say it over again."

Jacob turned back to her and this time his eyes held hers. She felt his small hand move, clutching hers. "I want my mummy," he whispered.

Beverly moved closer to him, taking him in her arms. "I know you do, sweetheart. I wish she was here too. Your mummy was a very special person and she spent all of her time thinking about you. I have been reading the work your mum did while she was away. All she wanted was to see you get well, and I promise I will try to do all I can to make her dream come true."

A gentle cough sounded from the doorway. Jack had returned and was looking at her intently. "That was a lovely thing to say, Beverly." He turned his eyes to his son. "You see Jacob, I told you that Beverly was pretty special." He looked to her again. "I am only just starting to remember that again myself."

Beverly spent the rest of her day with Jacob. She ran some neuroimaging scans so she could compare them with the most recent ones available. She also conducted a mini mental state examination. She hoped to compare all the results tomorrow and them get back to Nova's work and try to spend some more time on research. She wanted to check every facet of Jacob's condition. Maybe there was something that Nova had missed.

Beverly spent the next few weeks focussing on her work. She would leave in the mornings and spend the day with Jack and Jacob. She found it easy to work from the Crusher home as Nova had used it as the base for her studies. All of her research was still there, along with reams of related material and even handwritten notes. Jacob got used to her comings and goings. Beverly adjusted his medications and tried as hard as she could to keep him from deteriorating any further. Nova's research became an obsession for her, but try as hard as she could Beverly found that she kept meeting the same brick wall in her research that Nova had. What was causing the mechanism that resulted in the deposition of the abnormal protein, amyloid beta outside of the nerve endings? This continual aggregation of molecules in the neuronal cells was giving rise to cell death in the frontal lobes at an ever increasing rate. Beverly felt the spectre of time hanging over her shoulder. She knew from her daily scans of Jacob that his time left could be counted only in months.

With every neural examination, Jacob's mental state diminished. He was visibly upset at the failings of his mind and body. He started to have larger gaps in his cognitive functioning- one day he might forget how to use a spoon to feed himself, the next how to kick a ball. Beverly spent some of her time everyday trying to keep his brain working, trying to get him to use and reuse the remaining skills her had left. She grew to be a surrogate mother to him, applauding his minor victories and comforting him when he knew defeat. Jacob began to call for her in preference to his father. Soon, only her presence could still his nightmares and make him smile. She made a habit of giving him his night time medications before she returned to her quarters and she would tell him a joke whilst tucking him in. She would often stay sitting next to him until he was asleep his little fist curled in her hand. It was then that her heart quietly ached for her own son. If he had lived he would be only a little older than Jacob.

As she sat with Jacob one night, picturing the little boy her son might have grown up to be, she wondered if he was ill, would he have also slept with his hand in hers? She sighed. What she wouldn't give to have him here right now. That this was her house, her son in the bed, and god yes, even Jack, her husband still, all living the dream that she had once hoped for so much. But life wasn't like that. Life was disease and betrayal and death. _And the misery of granted prayers, _she thought to herself.

Jacob's voice broke into her reverie. "Why are you so sad, Beverly?"

She smiled brightly, too brightly. "Oh, I am not sad, just thinking."

"But thinking made you sad. I can tell 'cos there your face is wet."

Beverly sobered. _Well, I can't argue with that._ "I was thinking of my little boy."

Jacob's eyes grew round. "You have a kid?"

Beverly looked away and quickly dried her eyes with her fingertips. "I had a little boy once. He died when he was a baby."

Jacob regarded her solemnly. "That is sad."

She felt the tears start again. "Yes it is. It was very sad for me and for your daddy."

"Why was it sad for him?"

Beverly suddenly felt like she had opened a can of worms. "What did your daddy tell you about me?"

"He said that you and him used to be together, before he found my mummy."

"Did he tell you that he and I were married?"

Jacob nodded.

"Well, we made a baby together, but something went wrong and the baby died when he was still inside me. He was born, but he never woke up."

Jacob thought for a moment. "Was he my little brother?"

Beverly smiled. "No, this was before you, he would have been your big brother if he had lived. He would be older than you. Your daddy was really sad when the baby died. That's why we aren't together anymore. It was just too sad for the both of us."

"Will I see him in heaven?"

Beverly was jolted. " Why do you say that?"

Jacob grew serious. "Cos my brother died, and then my mummy died. And I keep falling down and I can't swim or do anything anymore." He spoke softly now, frightened. "And sometimes my food gets stuck, here." He made an effort to point to his throat. "I think one time it will get so stuck so bad I won't get it out, and I won't be able to breathe, and I will die too."

Beverly made a mental note of this new development. Her heart sunk. "I will help you with your food, we'll mash it up a bit more and I will stay with you while you eat and make sure that it doesn't get stuck, okay?"

Jacob nodded, he was sleepy now. "Don't worry. When I die, I will say hello to your baby for you."

She felt chilled. "Don't say that. Your daddy and I need you here."

Jacob looked away. "I heard him say I killed mummy. He said if she wasn't out trying to fix me she would still be here with us."

Beverly felt her anger rising. Of all the stupid, insensitive things for Jack to have said. She opened her mouth to speak a denial, but was stunned by what the little boy said next.

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked seriously.

Beverly could only nod her head.

"I saw my mummy last night. She was right there." He poked his chin at the end of his bed. "She held her hand out and told me that I would be with her soon. I miss my mummy. I want to be with my mummy, Beverly."

Beverly choked back her tears. Her eyes stung and her breath was leaden in her lungs. She closed her eyes and leaned back. "Oh baby, don't say that …"

But Jacob was already asleep, his hand tightly clasped in hers.

She leaned forward and smoothed back his hair. "Good night, Jacob," she whispered to him softly.

Part V

_Beverly_

At the end of another long day, she had been sitting at Nova's desk. Beverly's frustration at not being about to fit the pieces of the puzzle together were starting to get to her. She was trying to hold onto everything so tightly, afraid to rest for even a minute in case it all unravelled and there was nothing left to hope for. God only knew what Nova had been through on this same journey. She sat back and closed her eyes. Jacob's illness was becoming more and more debilitating, the production of abnormal proteins in his brain were forming more and more plaques. These were in turn causing tangles in the nerve endings rendering them useless. He had lost the function of so much neural tissue. It was like a domino effect. One area of death in the frontal lobes led to the loss of more and more of Jacob's abilities to function. The Markov's disease was spiralling out of control.

She tried in vain to emotionally distance herself from her research for Jacob's sake. She allowed herself a few minutes to clear her head. Her thoughts turned to another problem: her ex husband. He had been very attentive lately, maybe even too attentive, she had the feeling that he was watching her, she had caught him staring at her, and it had made her very uncomfortable. It was true that Jack had done everything he could to make sure that the time Beverly spent at the house was productive and as a consequence Beverly had, at least at first, been able to further Nova's research. But she couldn't help the feeling that Jack was somehow hoping to re-kindle their relationship. But no sooner had she thought it than she felt foolish. She was probably just damn tired and over reacting to Jack's kindness.

She was still sitting and thinking when she felt Jack's hands on her shoulders. The touch was gentle. "Are you still at it, sweetheart?" he asked.

Beverly felt herself tense at his intimate tone. He had started to drop those causal endearments into his conversations with her lately. She tensed, trying to give him signals with her body language. "I was just about to pack up for the evening actually, I…" her voice stilled as Jack's ministrations became more brazen.

His hands moved over her shoulders in a sensuous massage, gently un-knitting the muscles in her neck and shoulders, his fingers pushing aside her top and caressing her flesh. His mouth was just inches from her ear when he whispered. "Why don't you stay the night?"

Beverly jumped up. She felt herself flush. "Jack, I don't think…"

Jack smiled. "I just meant that it is ridiculous travelling back and forth from your quarters everyday. I have been giving this a lot of thought. Why don't you make our house your base? You can use the spare room. All of Nova's research is here, after all, and you will be on hand if anything happens with Jacob. No more getting called out in the middle of the night if I can't handle him. And if you made your base here, you could work whenever you felt like it." He reached for her hand. "Do you still have trouble sleeping? You always did before."

Beverly nodded briefly.

"Well, there you go. If you couldn't sleep you could come down here and research or you could talk to me. I am up and down through the night so often with Jacob and it would be nice to have someone to talk to."

Beverly debated this internally. The convenience of being able to work from the house was too logical to argue about. But her gut feelings were telling her it was not a good idea. She could see that jack was starting to misinterpret her motivations for being here. He was newly widowed and he was apparently mistaking her professional dedication to her work with his son for something much deeper. The fact that she was his ex wife only added to the illusion of intimacy. But she was so tempted to be here for Jacob. She knew his nights were unsettled and he grown to depend on her in so many ways.

Jack must have seen the indecision on her face. "I know," he said. "What if you just give it a trial run for a couple of weeks? If staying with us doesn't work out you can go back to your quarters at HQ."

Beverly felt her resolve waver. It would only be for a week or so. Maybe this thing with Jack was all in her head. Maybe she was just jumpy, putting too much emphasis on his behaviour towards her. He seemed to delight in do this, playing games, giving her mixed signals. She sighed defeated. "Alright. I will. I'll bring down some of my things tomorrow. I'll stay for a week and we'll see how it goes." She gathered her notes together.

Jack smiled at her. "You've made the right decision, Bev, for all of us."

_Jean-Luc_

Beverly had just informed him of her intention to leave her quarters to live and work from Jack's house. Jean-Luc received this information with a heavy heart. He could tell that Beverly was getting too emotionally involved in this case. He was still very unhappy with the secrecy involved and the methods that had been used to manipulate Beverly into this assignment. From his point of view it seemed like a clear cut case of emotional blackmail. He had promised Beverly that he would not interfere officially, but he had put out some personal feelers and was not happy with what he had found out.

Admiral Rourke seemed to have bypassed official channels to wrangle Beverly's reassignment. She was working on a medical research project that seemed to have been created out of thin air. The scientist that had been on the case, a Nova Latham had been killed recently and Jean-Luc was shocked to find out that she had been Jack's second wife.

Beverly had also mentioned that she was having some troubles with her former husband although she refused to be specific. The child, Jacob, also appeared to be deteriorating despite her best efforts. He could see that she was pushing herself too hard. Her messages had started to dwindle, and when she wrote her tone was one of weariness. The optimism of the last few weeks steadily leaching away…

_Beverly_

Beverly sighed and closed book Jean-Luc had given her. She ran her hands over the cover. She had been here nearly three months now, and how she missed him. She missed his company, his voice, his touch. She was so tempted to ask for the leave she knew she couldn't take, to go and meet with him. She knew it was a silly fantasy but it kept her going, the thought that she could be with him if she really wanted to. She closed her eyes and pictured him, how he had looked as she had stood on the transporter pad before she had left. He had dismissed the transporter chief and then walked towards her. He hadn't talked, just taken her in his arms. She had been amused inwardly at that. _Never a man to be ruled by his passions, _she had thought. Then he had turned away and made the transport himself. As the swirling beam of the transporter had taken her she had heard his voice, soft and stricken. '_It breaks my heart to send you away.'_

Beverly felt the tears threaten. Damn it! She had been so emotional lately. This research was taking its toll on her. The stress had even caused her monthly cycle to be late, something that hadn't happened to her in years. She was working over eighteen hours a day and still the missing pieces of the Markov's jigsaw eluded her. At times she even found herself talking to Nova Latham, asking her questions that could never be answered. She had become so deeply involved in Jacob's illness she found it hard to separate herself from her work. She was conscious of the fact that she was nearing burnout level. She had wanted to find this cure so badly that she had lost herself along the way. Her week's stay with Jack had turned in to a month. His attentions were becoming more frequent too. He found reasons to brush against her and touch her. He had joked about them getting back together again. On more than one occasion she had caught him trying to find out where her communiques were going. She was sure he had been in her room, going through her things. It was becoming oppressive, like some ancient Victorian novel, another good reason to spend the whole day in 'Nova's Lab' as she had christened it.

She closed the bedroom door before changing into her robe. She brushed her hair and then headed for the ensuite bathroom, where she showered and washed her hair. She noticed that her breasts were quite sensitive and hoped that this meant things would soon be returning to normal with her cycle. She was just drying her hair when she heard a noise in the other room. The sound of a something heavy falling, or more alarmingly, being thrown across the room. She felt instinctive fear grip her—Jack. It had to be him. She casually hummed a tune, hoping to convince him that she hadn't heard him, as she quietly edged her way over to the ensuite door.

Holding her breath, she pushed it gently open a crack so she could see out into the room.

It was empty. She exhaled. This had gone too far. As much as it pained her to leave Jacob, she had to get out of this house. She got into her robe, put the towel aside and sat down on her bed. It was then that she noticed her bedroom door was ajar. She was sure that she had closed it. She walked over and shut it firmly, regretting for the umpteenth time that it had no locking device on it.

She was turning back when she noticed the book. She had left it next to her pillow on the bed and now it lay on the floor against the wall. She picked it up gingerly and her blood ran cold. The beautiful old edition had been torn, the cover nearly wrenched off, the page with the words from Jean-Luc torn out. She looked all around but couldn't find the page anywhere.

Then it hit her in a rush. Jack. Oh shit, now he knew. She sat on the bed tortured by indecision. She knew logically that she had nothing to be ashamed of. Her marriage was over. She was divorced. Whoever she saw was none of Jack's business. The fact was she was in love with one of his old friends was just the way life had panned out.

But she knew her ex husband. That was not how he was going to see it. She remembered his jealous scenes, his insinuations. He had always thought that Jean-Luc had been one of her lovers. It had of course been untrue then. But now...she took a deep breath and put the book back under her pillow.

She pulled on a blouse and some trousers and went to find Jack.

She found him sitting in front of the terminal.

Beverly approached quietly, trying to see what he was up to, not wanting to get too close; she overheard him arranging a subspace communique with the Enterprise D. Pinning a smile on her face, she walked further into the room towards him.

Jack heard her and swivelled in his chair towards her. The cold look in his eyes caused her to falter. "Jack, I thought I heard…"

He cut her off, his voice low and measured. "Heard what, Beverly?"

"I thought I heard you arranging to talk to Jean-Luc."

"Yes, I was. I thought I'd try and drop my old friend a line, let him know how everything is going."

Beverly was guarded but she wanted to get this out into the open. "Oh really? I haven't had a chance to message him in a few days."

"So you have communicated with him quite often while you have been here?"

"Well, yes I have." She drew a steadying breath. "You see, Jean-Luc and I...we are..."

He sat back his fingers drumming on the table. "You are seeing him, aren't you?"

Beverly let her breath go in a rush. "Yes."

"How long?" Jack demanded.

Beverly shifted uncomfortably. "I don't think that is any of your business."

He brooded. "Were you with him before?"

She shook her head, not quite comprehending. "Before what? Our divorce? No. I never betrayed you. I loved you. I started seeing Jean-Luc after I was posted on the Enterprise."

"I have heard you requested that posting"

She sat down on the sofa. "Yes I did."

"But it had nothing to do with him?"

"Jack, the Enterprise D is the flagship of the Federation. Any officer worth their salt would want to be posted on the D. After you left, I threw myself into my work. I deserved that assignment. Jean-Luc Picard being captain had nothing to do with it, in fact until I reported for duty. I hadn't seen Jean-Luc for years."

"So how did it happen? How did you two get together?'

Beverly blushed. "Why do you want to know this? I can't see how it can do any good to discuss this."

"I want to know. Call it morbid curiosity. I had hoped that maybe there was a chance that we could be together again. But if you are seeing someone else…" He let the thought linger and then he looked at her. "Is it serious between you and him?"

"Yes." She smiled, she couldn't help herself. "I have fallen in love with him."

"So you weren't seeing him before your posting to the D?"

"No. There was never anything between us until a few months ago."

Jack looked at her intently now. "You mean about the same time that Nova died."

Beverly grew cautious again. She was deliberately vague. "Yes, I suppose it would have been about that time, maybe a few weeks later."

Jack's eyes bore in hers. "Did the Psi 2000 virus get on board the Enterprise, Beverly?"

Beverly met his gaze. "Yes."

"And you and the captain were infected?"

She hesitated. "Yes."

"And after being just friends for all these years, you became more intimate?"

She shifted uncomfortably. Jack was getting too close to the truth now. She remembered how physically attracted to Jean-Luc she had been that day, even now the thought of it was intoxicating. She stood. "That is enough. I don't want to discuss this with you anymore."

Jack came towards her, his voice full of innuendo, he was just inches from her now. "So you both got the virus? Then what did you do, Bev? Did you fuck the high and mighty Jean-Luc Picard on his ready room table? That _is _every captain's fantasy you know."

Beverly was appalled. All of the torment Jack had inflicted on her in their relationship, the years of fear, the sorrow, the guilt all surfaced. She was still trying to appease him, even now, after being divorced all this time still afraid of him, she had spent the last two months of her life trying to save his son, still stuck in that hopeless cycle of trying to please him. It struck her then, crystal in its clarity. Jack Crusher never could be appeased.

Her anger and resentment boiled to the surface. Her arm reached back and she slapped him across the face with a satisfying crack. "Let me tell you something, Jack Crusher, with him I have finally discovered what a good lover can do. One mindless _fuck _with the captain of the Enterprise is far superior to the six years of totally inept sex I had to put up with from you."

She knew the minute that the words left her mouth that she had made a grave mistake. Jack advanced on her like lightening. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her furiously. She heard the panicky sounds coming from her own throat. Jack's face was contorted with rage and she saw him draw back his fist, watched it travel towards her face. At the last second she turned her head to the side and his fist impacted on her jaw, she was thrown backwards by the force of the blow. Beverly instinctively put her arms out behind her and she landed painfully on the floor. A ripple of agony ran up her arm as her right wrist buckled under her and shattered. She rolled on to her side gasping in pain. She could taste blood in her mouth, and she knew her lip had been spilt open.

Jack circled above her, his breathing hoarse. "You little bitch."

Beverly sat up. "Jack, please. My wrist, it's broken." She cried out with the pain. Her words slurred by her swollen lip. "Oh shit, help me."

He looked at her with contempt. "You're a doctor, fix it yourself."

Beverly was almost in tears. "I can't fix this. It's way too bad. I am going to have to Medical and get it done by someone else."

He shook his head. "No way. I'll get someone out here."

Beverly grabbed hold of the sofa with her good arm and picked herself up. "Jack, I need to go to Medical. Right now."

She could see him debating this internally.

Beverly thought quickly and picked his weakest spot. "I can't help Jacob like this."

Jack bowed his head. "I'll call Sylvia."

Beverly sobbed with relief. "Tell her my right wrist is shattered."

He nodded once and left the room.

_Jean-Luc_

The message came through when his was in his ready room. It was visual. He sat down to take it. His curiosity was aroused by the source of the message. He remembered from what Beverly had told him that Jack's home was located in that area. For a moment, his hopes surged, maybe it was Beverly. He flicked the screen on and was greeted, however, by a smiling Jack Crusher. Jean-Luc called on all his diplomatic skills to smile and return his once best friend's greeting.

"Hello, Jack. It's been a long time since I have heard from you."

Something passed over Jack's face momentarily before he spoke. "Too long, my friend."

Jean-Luc sat back. "And how is your son?"

Jack smiled tightly. "He's about how I would expect, not too good. I suppose you know that Beverly has been working that sweet little ass of hers off trying to get to the bottom of what's wrong with him."

Jean-Luc stiffened at the way Jack had referred to Beverly. "Oh. Well, she is a fine doctor. If anyone can help your son it is her."

He saw Jack smile. "So I hear you and Bev are an item?"

Jean-Luc kept his face expressionless. "I beg your pardon?"

Jack smiled. "A word to the wise, Jean-Luc, you watch yourself with her."

Jean-Luc kept calm. "I have no idea what you are talking about." He sat back and waited for Jack Crusher to continue.

"Oh you _have_ got it bad Jonny, Don't tell me you've been taken in by her too?" He sighed. "I know how convincing she is. Did she tell you her sob story about our marriage?"

Jean-Luc didn't rise to the bait. "Dr Howard is a fine doctor and a special woman. I am afraid I have no idea what you are talking about."

Jack raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, but I am telling you right now that you aren't going to win her over by writing sappy poetry in any books you give her. You see, Beverly is ...there is no easy way to say this...but she's sleeping with me too. I had no idea about you. Until I saw the book that is…"

Jean-Luc felt Jack's words hit him like a blow to the gut. For an agonised moment, he didn't quite believe what he was hearing.

Jack was talking again, telling him things, intimate things about his sex life with Beverly. He even knew about the Psi 2000 virus and its affects on them. Jean-Luc felt physically ill. His jaw clenched tightly. "Thank you, Jack," he said abruptly. "I do not wish to hear anymore. Picard out." He jabbed at the terminal control viciously and the screen went blank.

He got out of his chair and stalked up and down the ready room floor. It couldn't be. Beverly would never…but then how had Jack found out all of this private information? Jean-Luc's anger threatened to overwhelm him. He left the ready room and strode across the bridge and into a turbolift. "Number One, you have the bridge," he barked as the lift doors closed.

He went to his quarters, but there he was surrounded by his memories of Beverly. He felt a surge of emotion so raw it was violent. He slammed his fist down, and threw the first thing he laid his hands on against the wall. Why did she do it? Why did she sleep with him, with her ex husband, of all people? The sound of Jack Crusher's gloating voice went around in his head. He clenched and unclenched his fists. He pictured Beverly with Jack, betraying him, doing those intimate things to Jack that he had thought were solely for him. The calm façade of his control collapsed.

He left his quarters and turned in the direction of the turbolift. He was headed for the holodeck. Right now, he felt the urgent need to beat the shit out of some holograms.

_Beverly_

Beverly gripped the hypospray with her left hand and gave herself a dose of painkillers. She swallowed and sat on her bed, waiting for it to take effect. She heard the sound of Jack approaching and unconsciously shifted further up the bed. He came into the room. He barely looked at her. "I've called Sylvia. I told her you had an accident. She's coming here. She said she has everything she needs to fix that." He jerked his head at her arm. "It's a pity about your pretty face though. I don't think your precious Jean-Luc would touch you looking like that."

He turned and left the room.

A short time later, she heard the Admiral arrive. There was a heated discussion outside of her room. She could hear snippets of the conversation. Admiral Rourke was obviously not impressed at this latest turn of events. Beverly listened avidly as she asked Jack just what the hell he had done this time and then told him in no uncertain terms "that she was sick of covering his ass."

She sat back and closed her eyes. She heard the door open and the older woman approached the bed.

"Beverly, it's okay, it's just me Sylvia," she said gently.

Beverly opened her eyes. "Admiral, I..."

Sylvia Rourke smiled. "For goodness sakes, Beverly, I think you can call me Sylvia." Beverly felt her brush the hair back from her forehead. She sat down on the bed. "Jack told me you had an 'accident'. He said you were arguing. A 'lover's quarrel' he called it."

Beverly felt her stomach lurch sickly, but she said nothing.

"Well, never mind that. I'll fix you up. Let's have a look at that wrist."

Beverly sat and watched as the other doctor stabilised the fracture. Once it was reduced, it felt much better, but she knew she was going to need further treatment. She could tell by the other woman's attitude that she was also thinking the same thing.

"You must have fallen hard, this fracture is going to need to be further stabilised at Medical, but I can fix your face. You didn't do that falling down did you?" She eyed her cautiously. "Tell me, did Jack do this to you?"

Beverly's emotions rocked out of control, she couldn't speak so she just nodded.

Sylvia Rouke's face grew grim. "I am going to scan you, just in case there is anything else wrong. Then I will do what I can for your face." She ran the medical tricorder over her, and gave Beverly a puzzled look. "Why didn't you tell me that you are pregnant?"

Beverly was stunned. "Because I'm not."

The other woman smiled. "Yes, you are, at least a couple of months along. We can get a more accurate reading when you come tomorrow and get that wrist fixed." As if something important had just occurred to her, Admiral Rouke's smile faded to be replaced by a frown. "Is it Jack's?"

"Good god, no. No, it's not." Beverly felt shocked that she would ask her that, but then remembering Sylvia's earlier comment about the reason Jack had used as his excuse for bringing her here, it was no wonder she had asked. But this child was Jean-Luc's. Beverly smiled. She was carrying her lover's child. No wonder she had felt so run down and over emotional, and no wonder her cycle was late. She covered her stomach protectively with her hand. "My child," she said softly.

Sylvia Rourke placed her hand on Beverly's. "Are you absolutely sure that Jack is not the father of this child?"

Beverly looked at her questioningly. "Yes. Why do you want to know?"

The admiral sighed and looked away. "I have something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you right form the start." She looked back at her. "Jack carries the gene for Markov's disease too."

Beverly looked at her opened mouthed with shock. This was something that she had never expected. Jack had said that his tests were clear, but then with this information, all the pieces of the jigsaw fell into place. Jacob's case of Markov's was not spontaneous, it was, as she had always suspected, an autosomal dominant inherited disease. He had gotten it from his father.

Beverly shook her head. "Does Jack know he carries it?"

Sylvia Rourke looked nervously at the door. "Yes. He does."

Beverly's shock was replaced by a shaft of anger. How could he have done this to Jacob, to his only child? She knew that this news had come too late too cure Jacob now. If she had been given the necessary genetic information by Jack when Jacob had developed the first symptoms of the disease a year ago, she could have mapped the exact way Jacob had inherited the disease, then she could have tailored genetically engineered triggers to stop the production of the damaging amyloid beta proteins. Given enough time, she could stop the progression of the disease but time was the one thing that Jacob didn't have left. The damage to his brain was all but irreparable now. She bristled with anger that he had let Nova waste the last year of her life on a fruitless search for a cure that she didn't have a hope in hell of finding, time she could have spent with her son. Beverly thought of how many countless hours that she had spent discussing this cryptic aspect of his son's case with him and he had never said a word to her.

Beverly looked at the woman beside her. "How long have you known about this?"

Sylvia Rourke glanced at the door again. "Not now. I will tell you everything tomorrow when we are alone. It is something I am not proud of, but I have been carrying this burden too long now and after what I have seen tonight I have decided I cannot do this anymore. I loved Jack once, and for my sins that love is going to end up costing me everything I have."

_Jean-Luc _

Jean-Luc had spent the last two days with his temper a breaking point. The atmosphere on the bridge had become tense and strained. He knew that for the first time in his career his personal problems were starting to impact on his captaincy of his ship. He had been trying to cope in every way he knew. He had put through at least a dozen messages to Beverly only to terminate them before they were sent. The hurt he felt was crippling him. He finally decided he needed to talk to the ship's counsellor.

Deanna Troi arrived after her bridge shift. She smiled at Jean-Luc and sat down on the sofa across from him. She looked at him for a moment, allowing him to gather his thoughts. "You wanted to see me, Captain?"

Jean-Luc took a steadying breath. He stood and walked over to the bookshelf, his hand drawn to the empty space between the volumes where Beverly's book had once been.

Waves of regret washed over him, was it really possible to pine away over a broken heart?

"Captain?" Troi's soft voice broke into his thoughts. "I am sensing some very deep personal emotions from you. Please, sir, talk to me I will do my best to help."

He returned to his seat. "Counsellor, I really don't know where to begin."

She smiled. "Well, you can begin by calling me Deanna. And as for where to start, you can tell me why those books over there caused you so much pain just now."

He told Deanna the whole story, from the start of his feelings of attraction to Beverly, losing her to Jack, the recent joy of having her acknowledge and finally return his feelings, her reassignment and its dubious nature. He spoke of her messages and how they had grown less frequent until lately he had heard nothing from her. He talked until he was hoarse and the tears he had held in check for so many days threatened to fall.

Deanna let him speak, encouraging him to continue until he got to the events of the last few days, he faltered as he spoke of his irritation at of letting his personal problems effect his leadership, and then finally he spoke again of Beverly. Of the things that Jack had told him, how those things plagued him night and day. He admitted to the communiques he never sent, and at last his deep sorrow at losing her.

Deanna chose to interrupt him at this point. "Captain, you tell me you haven't spoken to Beverly about any of this. How do you know that what her ex husband is telling you is true?"

Jean-Luc stood and started walking. He reached the window and looked out into space. He sighed. "He knew so much, about the book and other intimate details. There is no way he could have known unless he was told."

Deanna followed him over to the window and stood behind him. "From what you have told me, Beverly Howard is a very strong and loyal woman. She has survived domestic abuse and the loss of a child. She overcame a considerable violation of her trust by her husband and chose to let you into her life. She made a very brave decision, Captain, when she allowed herself to face those wounds and become your lover. At present, she has put aside all of the hurts of the past to help the child of the man who emotionally abused and deserted her. On the other hand, her former husband has demonstrated that he can be violent, cruel, manipulating and untruthful. The question you have to ask yourself is—knowing them both as well as you do, whom do you chose to believe?"

He turned back to her. "You think it is as simple as that?"

"It could very well be. I suggest you take leave. Go to her. Sort this out."

He sighed. "But what about my ship?"

"You would be doing this for your ship too. You asked to see me because you have realised that this problem with your personal life is affecting your work. As I see it, you really have no choice."

He let her words sink in. She was right of course. He needed to see Beverly. He had to hear it from her that their relationship was over.

_Beverly_

The bones in her wrist had finally been mended. She flexed it and felt the protest from newly knitted bones. Her face had been repaired the night before but it was still swollen and discoloured. Beverly sat back. She had the slightly disorientated feeling that you get after waking from a dream, only this particular nightmare wasn't yet over.

Now she sat and listened as Sylvia Rourke told her about the sordid web of Jack's secret life.

She heard how desperate he had been to join Starfleet, how his medical condition has ruled this out. That was how he had first met Sylvia. She had fallen for him and they had become romantically involved. Jack had manipulated those feelings, getting the young doctor to falsify his records. The Markov's had just disappeared from his medical results and a young Jack Crusher had been able to join Starfleet. He had rationalised to Sylvia that long before the symptoms showed themselves, he would be either out of Starfleet or dead, probably killed in the line of duty.

The older woman had looked on as Jack had made his way single-mindedly through the ranks. They had remained lovers up until Jack had married Beverly.

And then she had faltered in her story.

She had looked to Beverly, tears in her eyes. "When you got pregnant, Jack came to me. He told me the news. I warned him about the risks, but he was confident. He said it was a chance he was willing to take. He always seemed to think that when he wanted something it was his by rights. He wanted a child by you and he was going to have one …" She lowered her head. "When you lost the baby, something snapped in him. He had always been self absorbed, but I watched as he hit rock bottom. You knew about the other women?"

"I knew about Nova. I had no idea there were others," Beverly said softly.

Sylvia continued the thought. "Nova was such a lovely woman. Jack had told her how you refused to sleep with him after losing the baby and how you emotionally withdrew from him. He told her that his marriage was a loveless one and he suspected you of having numerous affairs." Her eyes shifted sadly to Beverly's again. "But that's not true is it?"

She didn't need to wait for Beverly's answer. "He didn't tell me that Nova was having his child until it was impossible to deny. I watched and waited. Jacob was born. I advised Jack to get a genetic screening done. But he was so sure that this time…"

Beverly sat forward. "What do you mean, _this time_?" Dread grew inside her as bitter comprehension flooded through her. She shook her head. "No. It can't be. Please tell me I'm wrong."

Sylvia sat silently for an eternal moment and then she spoke softly. "I performed the tests on your little boy. It was the disease that caused the stillbirth. Whatever else Jack told you was a lie."

Something in the depths of her heart broke. She stood. "I can't believe this. All these years I blamed myself for my son's death. I lived with that guilt. The endless sorrow every day, every night, and now I am told that my whole marriage was a lie and my son died because of it?"

She heard the older woman's sob. " I am so sorry. Please…"

But Beverly raised her hand, silencing her. "No. Don't. I can't listen to anymore." Her fist had been clenched so hard that her nails had broken through the skin of her palm, but there was no pain. She forced herself to move, to put one foot in front of the other and walk. She realised she was outside when the sunlight dazzled her, but she was too chilled to feel its warmth. Her hopeless despair drove her on and she knew exactly where she had to go.

She knelt at her son's grave marker. She reached out, tracing his name on the stone with her fingertip gently, a mother's caress. "I am so very sorry, my baby," she whispered.

Her soul was a ragged, gaping wound, but she couldn't feel it, she was numb. She wondered absently in the professional recesses of her mind if she was in shock. It seemed like a lifetime ago since she had left Jean-Luc and been entangled in this web of deceit. She felt curiously detached, like all of this was happening to someone else, that she was just observing a stranger's shattered life.

She had only one clear thought. She wanted to kill Jack Crusher. She wanted him dead.

She knew at least a dozen undetectable ways to do it. And she only needed one.

She was standing on the precipice, then pain sharp as a driven nail pierced her heart.

And she wept.

She arrived back at the house. But instead of going straight in, she decided to keep walking. The house backed onto the beach and she wanted to calm herself down before she saw Jack. She walked down to the water. The swell was breaking on the sand. It was too rough for swimming today. She remembered how Jacob had talked of his love of swimming, he used to come here with his parents and boogie board when the swell was small. She stopped and picked up some shells, they would make a nice diversion for him. She could put them on the table bedside his bed and he could dream of the sea. She would bring him down here tomorrow before she left. She had made the decision to move out, back to her quarters at HQ. There was no way she could stay here now after he had assaulted her. She hoped to convince Jack to let her take Jacob with her, but she knew it was probably in vain. If he said no then she was going to insist that he brought in a full time nurse to take over when she left in the evenings. She sighed to herself, knowing she was just delaying the enviable. She had to see Jack. Confront him with what she had found out.

She left the beach behind and walked back up the gentle slope to the house. She let herself in the back door, pulling it shut behind her. She walked calmly into Jack's room.

He looked up as she approached. "So, how's the wrist?"

Beverly held out her arm and wiggled her fingers.

"All fixed then, I see."

"Yes, Jack."

"Your face is looking better too."

"Is it?"

He frowned. "Look, Bev, I'm sorry about last night. You drove me to it, saying what you did. My pride couldn't handle it."

"Is this the same pride that keeps you from telling me the truth?"

He looked at her cautiously. He tried to laugh it off. "Are you sure you didn't hurt your head when you fell?"

Beverly regarded him solemnly. "Just when were you going to tell me the truth about the Markov's disease?"

He stood. "I have told you the truth about it. Jacob has..."

She cut him off viciously. "Liar!"

His voice became silky and dangerous. "Just what have you found out?"

"I had a long talk with Admiral Rourke this morning. I found out so many interesting things. Like the devious way you entered Starfleet, your numerous affairs, the lies you told me about our baby, and the fact that you have sat back and handed your only living son a death sentence by not telling me the truth about your own illness." She watched him sadly. "You have wrecked so many lives. You think that you can just use people to fulfil your needs, then leave them behind when you finish with them. It must be so gratifying to be the centre of your own universe, Jack." She felt the tears threaten again. "You have hurt everyone around you and I wish to god I had never met you. I will do what I can for Jacob, but I can't stay here with you any longer."

She turned to leave. Jack grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly back to him. "Beverly, you have to stay. I need you. Jacob needs you."

She looked at his hand on her arm, then back at him. "You just don't get it do you? It is too late, Jack! Because of your selfishness, it has _always_ been too late. I can't cure your son now. The damage to his brain is permanent. I can't undo what has happened to his neuronal cells. You should have told me that you had Markov's a year ago when Jacob first got the symptoms. I could have done something then. But now it is too late, he will never be the same little boy."

He became frantic. "But you are the best doctor I know. You have to cure him."

"I can't. The best we can hope for is that there is enough time left for me to stop anymore damage to Jacob's brain, that's all."

Jack shook his head in vehement denial. "No! You will fix him. I will make you fix him."

His hand painfully tightened on her arm as dragged her into the hall.

Beverly felt her temper rising. She knew her leaving was going to be difficult for his ego to take. There had to be some way to get Jacob away from here, from him. She could take him somewhere safe. "Jack, please let me go."

He misunderstood her and his face twisted. "It's him isn't it? You can't wait to get back to fuck that uptight captain of yours, can you? Well I have already told him that you are getting all you need from me."

Beverly looked at him like he was speaking in some alien dialect. "You said what?"

"I told him you were sleeping with me." He started to touch her, his hands trying to draw her closer to him. "I need you." He groaned. "I need you Bev. If you'll just give me what I need, you won't get hurt." He pinned her against the wall, pressing himself to her.

She was reeling. He had told Jean-Luc that she had been unfaithful? She remembered the communique. No wonder he had been so shifty about it and digging for all that information. Jack dug his fingers into her shoulders and she winced in pain. Her brain moved into survival mode and she forced herself to go slack.

She felt him sigh as she relaxed against him, she let him touch her. She fought down her distaste. He was trying to kiss her, his hand was moving over her breast. At the moment she judged that he was too preoccupied to defend himself, she brought her knee up hard into his crotch. His face spasmed in agony and he let her go. She watched him double over. She sobbed and pushed him away from her, then turned and ran. She sprinted through the house to her room. She scrambled through her medkit for a hypo. Her frantic fingers were clumsy as she tried to load it up with enough of the sedative ambizine to take him down.

She felt a shrill scream of desperation reach her throat as she heard Jack coming down the hall towards her room. "Oh god, oh god," she whispered desperately.

And then he grabbed her.

He pushed her hard and she fell onto the bed. Beverly curled herself up defensively, instinctively protecting the child inside her. She looked up at him, one last wildly hopeless attempt to save herself. "I'm pregnant," she whispered.

Jack lunged at her, Beverly felt her panic start to overwhelm her. He pinned her on the bed. She held onto edge of mattress, frantically trying to push him off of her. All the time he was talking to her in a low voice filled with hoarse hatred, asking her how she could have led him on like this, he had been her first lover, but she had betrayed that and acted like a whore, let his best friend have her body. He was asking over and over how she could have let him give her a child, the child that should have by rights, been his. Beverly was giving out frenzied cries of fear now. She struggled under him, but his weight was pushing her down. She could feel his hand on her leg, sliding upwards. Beverly instinctively pushed it away and he groaned lowly. Then there was a subtle shift in his intent. His hands started to slide over her, his mouth nuzzled against her ear. He said her name thickly, and allowed his mouth to move lower over her neck, his teeth grazing her flesh. She twisted beneath him and felt his hand pulling aside her skirt, his fingers moving sinuously further up her thigh. With one last effort she bucked under him, trying to push him away. Her hips met his and she felt the bulge of his erection.

She knew then what he intended to do to her. Heavy dread almost suffocated her.

The sheer horror of her situation causing her to stop struggling, it was then that she felt the hard edge of the hypospray underneath her hip.

His mouth was against her ear. "Fight me," he spat.

She realised with sickening shock that her desperation was arousing him, that he was getting a sexual thrill from the physical power he held over her. She knew she only had one chance.

She reached for the hypospray and brought it up to the side of his neck. She pressed the plunger and heard the hiss of the sedative as it was released into him.

He convulsed once, and then slumped next to her. She pushed him aside with a frantic yelp and sprinted out of room.

Her first thought was for Jacob, he must have been frightened by the raised voices. She raced down the hall and checked his room. She looked around not quite believing her eyes. He wasn't there. Worry and concern pumped through her.

"Jacob?" she called.

She tried to calm down and think about the situation logically. He had not had too many lucid moments lately and his co-ordination was not good. He couldn't have gone too far.

She traced her path back to her room, looking for him in every room. Where would a frightened child hide? She continued calling his name gently as she checked in the corners of the room, behind the furniture. He was nowhere. She was getting desperate now.

Then she noticed that the back door that she had thought she closed was wide open.

In those few seconds, so many things ran through her head. Had Jacob been frightened enough to have gone outside? She knew the only path from the back of the house led straight to the beach. Could he have made it that far? She didn't stop to think what could happen to him if his made it down the slope to the beach and into the water.

She was out the door and running.

_Jean-Luc_

He had travelled non-stop to see her, to be with her. He hadn't told her he was coming. Now he grimly made his way to the house. Just what hell he expected to see once he got there, he had no idea. Was he hoping to catch her in bed with Jack? His jaw clenched at that thought. Was that was what it was going to take? Did he have to see it with his own eyes? Catch them _in flagrante delicto?_

He felt his thoughts turning towards this situation with Crusher. He looked inwardly for any clues from Beverly that made what Jack was saying possible. Yes, it was true that she had withdrawn from him lately, but she had probably been too wrapped up in the frantic search to save Jacob to realise. _Or just too wrapped up in Jack_, his mind sneered. He pushed the ugly thought away. Could Beverly really consider doing anything that would hurt their relationship this much? Would she place all they had in jeopardy for something as basic as sex? An icy feeling ran down his back. Maybe it was more than just sex. Maybe she had fallen in love with Jack again and for that feeling she was willing to betray everything they had.

Or maybe it was all a lie, a dark, cancerous lie told to him by a man who claimed to be his friend.

He closed his eyes and swallowed tightly. That last night together, they had made love so tenderly before she had left. He recalled her face, the look in her eyes as she had said that she loved him. Whatever else Beverly was getting from Jack, she had wanted him with a passion that she surely could not be false.

He walked on, every step bringing him closer to what? The end of his affair? The loss of his love? No he would not accept that. He knew the minute he left the Enterprise that he would fight for her. No matter what she had done, if she would have him, he would take her back. He had to acknowledge to himself that he still wanted her in a way that left no room for pride or self respect. He needed her. He knew he would go on wanting her until he took his last breath.

He was at the house.

A noise caused him to pause. It was followed by a glimmer of movement that caught his eye.

He turned his head and heard the sound of a small child crying. He looked at the door and then back to the child. He sighed. Comforting crying children was not one of his strong points. This was definitely a job for the child's parents. He looked down the side passage of the house. There appeared to be no one else around. The desperate, frantic nature of the child's sobs made up his mind for him. Giving one last look at the front door he turned and walked over to where the little boy sat with his knees pulled up tight around his chin his hands covering his ears.

Jean-Luc bent down next to the child. "Hey, what's wrong?" he said softly.

The boy shook his head, clamping his hands even harder against his ears. He started whispering something over and over. Jean-Luc leaned closer to hear the boy's words, but he could not make then out. They sounded strangely garbled, like the boy couldn't quite get his tongue around the sounds properly.

"What's your name?"

No answer. Jean-Luc sighed. This was going to be harder than he had thought. "Where are your parents?"

The little boy looked up at that. Jean-Luc felt a jolt go through him. That face. It was so familiar. Then the realisation hit him. If this was Jack's house, why should this not be Jack's son?

"Are you Jacob?" Jean-Luc said gently.

The boy looked up at him and nodded. Jean-Luc's eyes scanned the boy for any signs of injury and finding none he came to the conclusion that what he had experienced had been emotional rather than physical trauma.

"How come you are hiding out here? Where is your papa?"

The look of fear in Jacob's eyes as he said the word sent sharp feeling of ill ease through him. He tried again. "What about Doctor Howard? Where is she?"

Jacob's answer was to cover his ears again and turn away. "He hurt her."

Jean-Luc's blood ran cold. "Who hurt her? Who hurt Doctor Howard?" He realised his terse tone was frightening the boy even further. He softened his voice. "I am her friend. I came to visit her."

This got the boys attention.

Jean-Luc continued. "I need to know who hurt her, so that I can help her."

Jacob sniffed. His twitched as a muscle spasm cramped him. "Daddy, d-daddy hurt her."

Jean-Luc put his hand on Jacob's shoulder. He squeezed it lightly and bent to scoop him up. "Let's go help her," he said with grim determination.

_Beverly_

She ran down to the beach calling Jacob's name, but her words were whipped away by the strong wind. She took off her shoes and waded into the water. The conditions were rough and the water was very cold. She was not the best swimmer but desperation forced her out, looking for any sign of Jacob. She sobbed his name. Calling him over and over, knowing that if he had come this way and entered the surf, there was no way his frail body could have kept him afloat for long. She kept searching further and further out until she knew that she was putting her own life in danger. With despair, she wearily fought her way back to the shore and sat at the edge of the pounding surf. She was chilled to the bone by the water and the wind. Her hair hung wetly over her face. It was no use she thought hopelessly. The ocean had claimed him. She had failed him. He was gone. She beat her fists on the sand in a useless orgy of frustration. She threw her head back and cried into the wind, the warm salt of her tears mixing with the vast stretch of ocean.

When it came, the touch to her shoulder was shocking in its sudden warmth. Her head whipped around, the stinging wind blowing her hair into her eyes. Then she saw Jacob. She sobbed in relief. Not daring to believe that he was actually in front of her, that he was solid, real and alive, her hand reached up to him, grasping for him. But the hand that reached out to grip hers was not a child's—it was long fingered and masculine and strong.

"Let's go home," Jean-Luc said.

_Jean-Luc_

The look on her face...he would do anything to take away that look.

He pulled her to her feet and swung her into his arms. He felt her body being racked by tearing emotions and on a sob she only just managed to contain, she said his name. He was so aware of her, the length of her body against his the feel of her arms around him. He captured her chin with his hand and let his eyes roam over her. Even like this, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Instinctively he lowered his head and found her mouth, he kissed it gently. His hands moving over her chilled skin, aching with need. He knew he had to get her inside and out of her wet clothes. Reluctantly he let her go.

"We need to talk," he said softly.

He saw her look away from him and back towards the house.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice full of concern.

"I..." No. she shook her head, refusing to answer.

Jean-Luc sighed, the sound coming from some deeply wretched part of him. He watched as Beverly took Jacob's hand and they started the short walk back to the house. He swallowed tensely, not quite knowing what to say. Then with grim resolve he followed her along the path and back to the house.

He waited silently while Beverly put Jacob back into his bed. The little boy was still upset, but obviously so much happier now that Beverly was with him.

Jean-Luc looked around the room while he waited for her to return. He saw subtle little signs of her presence. A medical text lying discarded on a table. Her jumper slung over the back of a chair. He inhaled deeply, trying to calm down.

When she returned he said nothing, waiting for her to speak.

"Jacob is settled now," she said.

"Where is Jack?" He watched her face intently as he said the name.

He saw her eyes grow shuttered. "He's in my room. When he attacked me, I had to sedate him to protect myself."

"Jacob said that he hurt you. Is this true?"

She sighed wearily, not answering his question directly. "I have just checked him. I gave him enough ambizine to knock him out for at least twelve hours, maybe more. I didn't have enough time to calibrate the hypo properly. I came damn near close to giving him a lethal dose."

Jean-Luc moved closer. Just what had gone on between them? What had they fought over? What the hell wasn't she telling him? The words leapt unbidden to his mouth. "What happened?"

He saw her tense and retreat into herself. "He found out about us. He got jealous. He tried to..." her words halted. She was unable to go on.

Jean-Luc felt his fury flare. He left her and went to see for himself. Her room showed signs of a violent struggle. Her bed was in complete disarray and it was perfectly obvious what form the attack on her had taken. He struggled with his anger. He looked to the unconscious man on the floor and he felt his hands ball into fists. Rage overtook him. He took a step towards him, the temptation to draw back his boot and smash it into Jack's face was almost overwhelming. He desperately wanted to pull Jack up off the floor and smash his fists into his face until he regained his senses and then he wanted to snap the bastard's neck—swiftly, cleanly. He wanted to see the shock on his face as he did it, too. With a shuddering breath, he regained control. Then he bent and picked up some of Beverly's clothes from the shambles on the floor, and without looking back, he turned and left the room.

He returned quietly and handed her the bundle of clothes. "Get changed, then we take the boy and we leave."

Part VI

_Beverly_

She was dreading this moment. Jacob was tucked in to bed and now it was just Jean-Luc and herself. She had felt his eyes on her, his unspoken questions. His silence. He had busied himself getting them some tea. Beverly watched him. It hit her then that he was blindingly angry. It showed in the cording of the muscles in his neck and shoulders, in the way that his every movement was being strenuously controlled as he got the beverage ready. She remembered Jack's taunting words about having told Jean-Luc that she was betraying him and she shivered. What if he _had_ told Jean-Luc? Is that why he was here, to check on her, to find the proof of this for himself? Was this the cause of his silent brooding? Whatever it was she didn't want to face it now.

"I think I'll have a shower," she decided nervously.

He looked across at her and put down the cup.

She didn't wait for him to speak and she turned and left the room. While she undressed in the bathroom, she thought about the fact that there were only two bedrooms in the quarters he had taken. Jacob was asleep in one. That meant that she had to share the other with him. The thought made her nervous. It was clear to her that he thought there was something going on between her and her ex-husband. She sighed and tugged at her clothes.

The shower was hot, the water stinging. She scrubbed away all traces of the day, erasing the events from her body until she felt clean again. If only her emotions could be dealt with the same way. Her muscles ached and she was feeling so tired. She let her hand rest on her belly. At least her child was safe now. A sound behind her made her turn around.

It was Jean-Luc. He stood staring at her. She looked over at herself in the mirror and saw herself through his eyes. She was covered in bruises, from large blue purple recent ones, to the more pallid yellowy ones that had faded slightly from Jack's first attack on her. They covered her upper arms in almost perfect hand prints and they ran down between her legs, a graphic legacy of Jack's attempt to assault her.

She heard the rough intake of his breath. "My God!"

She grabbed at her clothes, quickly pulling them on, trying to cover herself. "It doesn't matter, Jean-Luc," she said softly. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it bloody matters," he barked. "Did he do this because he found out about us?"

She closed her eyes and spoke, trying to keep her voice as level as she could. "He was jealous. He found out that I was seeing you and he snapped."

He shook his head, still trying to comprehend. "Why was he so jealous? Did you let that bastard touch you, did you sleep with him?"

Her eyes flicked open, furious blue staring into tortured grey, her eyes searched his, half refusing to believe that he had actually asked her that question.

But he had.

"Did you?" he persisted when she said nothing. "I want to know, I need to know." He choked on his words. "I _have_ to know."

She stared at him for a moment longer, her anger boiling over. "Go to hell!" she hissed through bared teeth.

She turned and left the bathroom. She felt the tension of the last two months clawed its way to the surface and she felt it rock through her. _Damn him!_

He followed her to the bedroom.

She turned to him, icy in her anger. "Do you really want to know what happened?" she demanded. "Do you really want to know that he has been trying to fuck me for weeks?" She wrapped her arms around herself protectively. "At first, I thought he was just mistaking my concern for his son for something more, but he started to harass me, touch me..." her face betrayed her distaste. "I put up with it because Jacob needed me. When he finally found out that I was seeing you, he went crazy, he attacked me accusing me of leading him on, calling me a whore."

The silence between them grew long and heavy.

She sat on the bed and then taking her time, she told him, all about Jack and his attempts to hide his illness, the fact that because he had concealed it from her, he had left Jacob with next to no chance of recovery. And finally, her voice a hoarse whisper, she told him of Jack's fury at finding out about her affair with him. He said nothing through it, letting her speak. His arm reached out to her as her words finally halted, but Beverly tensed.

"There's more," she said tiredly. "I'm pregnant."

His jaw tightened and he pulled back from her.

"How pregnant?" he asked, after a long pause. He sounded tight throated, as though this question had taken a lot of asking, a nerve in his clenched jaw jumping.

Beverly felt her temper rising. "What do you mean, _how pregnant?_" She stood and walked a few paces from him, then she spun around to face him, really angry now. Did he understand the enormity of what he had just implied?

He shook his head, seemingly at a loss for words now.

Her anger vanished. She was too tired, too fed up to argue further. "I am eleven weeks pregnant, Jean-Luc. Do the math."

She saw the shock etched on his face.

"It's alright, You don't have to do anything noble about this. It's not like we planned it or anything. I can see that you have doubts."

Beverly saw the expression of shock had been replaced by one of guilt.

"I plan to have this child...I couldn't contemplate the alternative."

Still he didn't speak.

The silence grew oppressive. She reached out and touched his face, running her fingers lightly down over his cheek and along his jaw. "I'm sorry," she said unsteadily.

He closed his eyes. "Don't say that."

"Why not? It's how I feel."

"This child will be as much my responsibility as it is yours. You are not on your own—you have me."

"Do I?"

She waited a moment to see if he would argue with her about that, but he didn't. She swallowed a lump in her throat. She hoped she wasn't going to cry again.

He turned away from her. It seemed like he didn't know what to say to her.

She had thought about the possible ways this conversation might go so many times since she had found out about the baby. She had even imagined him telling her that he loved her, maybe even asking her to marry him. But it was just a fantasy. In her mind she had known that reality was always going to be painful.

"I know I love you, deeply," he said finally.

"But you don't quite believe me?" She sighed. "I have been through this before, Jean-Luc, and I refuse to do it again. I will not do a DNA test on this child to prove a point to you. I know for certain who the father is." She saw his lips part to say something more, and she remembered that night she had come to see him in his quarters, the first time they had made love. Her mouth quirked into a smile. She stood and locked her eyes on his.

"Trust me," she said simply.

_Jean-Luc_

It was the smile that did it. _Trust me,_ she said.

He found he couldn't answer her with words.

Unable to stop himself he stroked her cheek with his fingers. It was so soft. He had forgotten how soft her skin was, how sweet she smelled.

_Trust me._

His hands itched to slide around her bottom and haul her into his arms. "Beverly…"

Her name slipped softly from his lips and her coppery brows arched above her deep blue eyes. Was he only imagining the invitation in them?

He said her name again, more hoarsely now, giving in to the impulse to run his fingers up along her arm to her shoulder. He half expected her to stop him, to push him away.

But she didn't.

Even when he combed his fingers through her hair before trailing them sensuously down her throat, she simply stood there watching him. His hands slid back down her arms to her hands, linking their fingers together. Then with the slightest pressure he urged her against him.

Beverly was a tall woman, but he had always thought that they fitted so perfectly together. Cradling her face between his palms, with his thumbs he stroked the faint shadows that had appeared beneath her eyes since he had seen her last.

"I need you," he said.

He bent to kiss her. He waited for a long tantalising moment before he allowed his lips to touch hers and then he let himself claim her mouth. His hands moved down her back to her hips, bringing her more fully against him. He let his caress move over the swell of her bottom. "I want you," he told her thickly, his words urgent as he returned his mouth to hers.

He felt her hands wind around his neck. His fingers slipped under her top to stroke the soft bare flesh underneath. He lowered his head again and ran kisses along her throat and over her naked shoulder. He slid his fingers into her hair, pushing it back from her face and let his tongue run around her exposed ear.

"I love you," he whispered.

Then his mouth closed over hers again, his hands sliding down her body from breast to hip and back again. He began peeling her top down. His hands explored, excited. He pushed the top off altogether.

He felt her hands at his chest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

Her skin was like satin beneath his fingertips.

He moved her to the bed, his mouth gently kissing away the bruises on her flesh. He felt the gentle brush of her thighs against his. "You have no idea how much have missed this," he murmured thickly. "The feel of your skin against mine."

He felt her leg move along his in a slow tormenting rhythm against his inner thigh. He watched her smile and then her mouth was on his skin, her lips kissing and loving. Her hands moved over his chest and down, following the contours of his flesh until her fingers were on him, stroking him.

He curved his hand under her bottom bringing her up towards him. He felt her spread her thighs and he touched her gently, he heard her soft sigh as he found out how ready she was for him. She guided him towards her. He took her slowly, stopping when he was fully inside her and he gave himself over to the delight of being a part of her again.

He felt her hips thrust under him, urging him to move, her mouth against his ear. "Do it," she said huskily, provocatively.

It had the desired effect on him, he lost control and surged into her again and again, wanting her, taking all of her.

Her body arched slickly under his. He let his mouth move over her neck and onto her breasts. He listened to the low sexy sound of her gasps as he loved her and all the time they moved together, each thrust a little faster and deeper. He felt her moan against his neck as her climax approached. He lowered his lips to hers and the sounds of her orgasm were caught by his mouth.

And then he was coming himself, pulsing into her hotly, calling her name and then with a final shuddering groan, he collapsed into her arms.

_Trust me._

Her voice, sated and low, breathed against his ear. "I'll take that as a yes, then."

He smiled.

_Beverly_

She approached the house cautiously. She waited on the doorstep nervously, and then taking a deep breath, she let herself in.

The house was still, too still. For a terrible moment she wondered if Jack was dead. She pulled herself together. She had given him enough sedative to knock out a Klingon, but she was sure the dose was not lethal.

"Hello, Beverly," Jack's voice sounded from behind her.

Well at least he was alive. But, she thought grimly, he was going to be more trouble alive than dead.

"Coming to check and see if I survived?"

He must have read her mind. She squared her shoulders and turned around. She refused to be intimidated. "Something like that. I was just thinking how much more pleasant you are when you're unconscious."

His face twisted. "You bitch."

Another voice broke in. "Jack. That's enough."

Beverly looked past him and was surprised to see Sylvia Rourke standing in the doorway to the living room. The admiral nodded to her briefly and then turned her attention back to Jack. "I need to examine Beverly now." She glanced back at Beverly. "That's the reason I dropped by."

Jack gave Beverly a lethal look and shook his head. "Why? I'm the one she tried to kill."

She took a step towards him. "You attacked me, you tried to…"

He cut her off. "Oh, in your dreams, Bev." His face grew distasteful. "As if I'd want you, especially after Picard has had you."

This drew a curious look from Sylvia Rourke.

Beverly pointedly ignored Jack. "Shall we get this exam over and done with then?" She walked past him, being careful not to touch him.

Sylvia joined her and together they walked towards Beverly's old room. Beverly stopped short. "Please, I 'd rather not go in there. Can we do this in Nova's lab?"

Sylvia gave her a grim look and nodded.

After the door was closed Beverly gave out a relieved sigh.

"He hurt you again didn't he?" Sylvia said softly.

"He found out that I was seeing someone else."

"And he lost it?"

"Yes."

"Did he rape you?"

Beverly looked down.

"I'm sorry Beverly, but I have to ask. If he did we could get the evidence…"

"No he didn't, I knocked him out with the ambizine before he …" She hesitated. "Before he could get that far."

She looked up to find Sylvia shaking her head sadly. "You took Jacob with you when you left?"

"Yes."

"Is he okay? Jack didn't…"

"No, he wasn't hurt. When Jean-Luc found him, he was curled up outside, scared out of his wits. Judging by his reaction I would say he has seen this kind of thing before."

Sylvia looked at her steadily. "Jack and Nova fought violently, especially towards the end. Maybe that was where Jacob used to go to get away from it. He was probably acting on instinct. Where is he now?"

"He's with Jean-Luc. They are down at the beach right now. I didn't want to bring him inside straight away."

The casual use of the captain's name had not gone unnoticed, but Sylvia tactfully said nothing.

The exam took only a few moments.

"The baby is fine," Sylvia said, guessing correctly what Beverly was most worried about.

"Your wrist is also healing well. The bruises will fade, but I'm afraid the other scars will take longer to heal." She packed away the tricorder. "I stopped by this morning to see you. I was worried about how you were, after yesterday in my office…" her words trailed away. and she smiled tightly. "Instead, I found that you and Jacob were gone and Jack was wandering around with a king sized headache. When I scanned him and found the high residue levels of the sedative, I knew something had happened."

"I came back here yesterday to get to the bottom of things, but it all got out badly of hand."

Sylvia was nodding. She seemed to sense Beverly's reticence to talk more about Jack's assault.

"I will finish my research from Medical. I am going to try to design a specific amyloid beta protein inhibitor for Jacob. Maybe I will be able to slow down the process of the disease, there just isn't enough time to do anymore." She heard her voice catch on that admission.

"I'm so sorry, Beverly," she said gently.

"It is just such a waste. I could have helped him."

"Jack convinced me against my better judgment that you would find a cure without having to know about his Markov's. I was a fool to go along with it."

Beverly sadly shook her head. "And now Jacob will pay the price for that. Just like our son did." She stood. "I'd better get him now. I have already explained to him that I can't stay here at the house anymore, but I want to get him settled before I go. I have yet to organise a nurse for him, perhaps you can help me with that."

Sylvia Rourke recognised an olive branch when she saw one. "I would be glad to help in anyway I can."

Beverly found Jean-Luc and Jacob on the beach. They had managed to build a sizable castle in the sand. It was decked out with seaweed and shells. Quite an impressive achievement, she had to admit.

Jean-Luc's face broke into a smile at her approach.

"You see Jacob, I told you if we built a splendid enough castle the fair princess would come to see it!"

Beverly laughed. "Why thank you, kind sirs, for my wonderful new abode. The only problem is, how do I get in?"

Jacob's face broke into a huge grin. "Door," he said, pointing.

Jean-Luc shook his head doubtfully. "I don't know Jacob…that is a very small door and our princess _is _rather large."

"And I am only going to get larger too," Beverly laughed, but shot Jean-Luc a speaking look.

He gave Jacob a handful of shells. "Here you are, young man. Finish that off while I talk to the princess."

They walked down to the water's edge. "How did it go?" he said.

"I saw Jack. He is fine, as insulting as ever." She saw Jean-Luc's jaw tighten. "Actually, I didn't have much to say to him. Sylvia Rourke is here. She came by to see me this morning and put two and two together."

"I had no idea that she was so personally involved."

"Her heart is in the right place, Jack has used her too. Just like he used everyone." She tried to keep the bitter note out of her voice. "Now I have to hand Jacob over to him. I know that he would never physically hurt his son, but I am worried about Jacob's reaction to his father after all of this. When I think of what he must have seen, how frightened he must have been…"

Jean-Luc's hand tightened around hers. She looked back at the little boy sitting next to the castle and her heart sank. She didn't know how she was going to do this.

They walked back to Jacob and Beverly knelt down beside the little boy.

"Jacob, it is time to go home to daddy now," she said softly.

The change in the child's demeanour was instant. He grew fearful. His tremors increased until he was having trouble even staying sitting. Tears ran down his face. He gathered all his strength together and let out a sob. "_No!_"

Beverly gathered him into her arms and soothed him. "C'mon let's go see daddy. I bet he misses you."

Jacob shook his head.

Beverly looked to Jean-Luc. Her own feelings were echoed in his face. "Sylvia is here visiting," she said brightly, trying a different angle.

Jacob gave her a tiny smile.

"Yes, she would love to see you, too." She stood and held out her hand. "Shall we go?"

Jacob nodded, but he was still wary and unhappy.

They walked back to the house slowly, Jacob's step hesitating as they reached the back door.

Jean-Luc crouched down beside him. He placed his hand gently on the boy's shoulder.

"Courage doesn't always roar, Jacob." His gaze moved to Beverly. "It is often found in the most unlikely places." He looked back to Jacob and smiled. "Now let's go in. Your father is waiting."

_Jean-Luc_

Jack looked up as they walked in his gaze travelled from one to the other, before returning to his son. "Jacob," he said softly.

At the sound of his father's voice, the little boy began to falter. Jean-Luc watched as Beverly touched his face briefly and offered a comforting smile.

The gesture did not go unnoticed by Jack Crusher. "What the hell have you been telling him?" he snapped.

Jean-Luc felt his indignation rising. Sensing this, Beverly put her hand on his arm. She walked over to Jack and faced him squarely.

"I have not told him anything, I didn't have to, he knows what he saw."

"Oh? And what was that? My dear sweet ex wife trying to kill me? No wonder the poor kid is traumatised."

Jean-Luc could stand it no longer. "I dare say it was what he witnessed before Beverly was forced to sedate you that that sent him running outside, Jack."

"I was wondering when I was going to hear from you." Crusher turned to him. "You do know this is really none of your business, Picard."

"If it involves Beverly, then I make it my business."

Jack gave him a cynical half smile. "Why so noble, Captain? Does it have something to do with your guilt over fucking your best friend's wife?"

Jean-Luc felt his fingers itch into a fist. He saw Beverly look over at Jacob nervously.

He forced himself to calm down. He was not going to dignify Jack's comment with an answer. "We came here to bring Jacob home. Surely your son's welfare is paramount here."

"My son was just fine until this morning. Now he won't even look at me. I want to know what you have said to him."

Jacob was becoming restless. He edged further back from Jack. His father walked towards him, he held out his hand. Jacob stilled, he had become rooted to the spot in fear.

It was Beverly that noticed it first, the betraying dark patch on the front of the boy's trousers. In his terror, he had wet himself. She made a strangled sound and in a split second was by the boy's side. She grabbed his hand and quickly took him out of the room.

Jean-Luc shook his head. "It would appear that your son is now too frightened to be in the same room as you."

Jack's face was stunned for a moment. He stood with his hand still held out, grasping futilely for the child. He turned to Jean-Luc then, the horror of the truth behind what had just occurred clearly written in his eyes. "He hates me."

Sylvia Rourke stepped forward. "Jack, I am sure he doesn't hate you. He is scared and frightened by the way that you are acting now, I don't think he knows who you are when you are like this, and neither do I." She gently laid her hand on his arm. "You are in danger of losing everything that ever meant anything to you, don't you see?"

For a moment Jean-Luc was sure that her soft words had gotten through to him. He looked at her with pained eyes. But then he seemed to give himself a mental shake and the mask was once again firmly in place. "I want to see my son."

Beverly was doing her best to soothe Jacob. The boy sat on the end of his bed. Jean-Luc noticed how Beverly's hands gently brushed Jacob's unruly hair back form his face, he saw the way she had unconsciously adopted a non threatening stance with him, kneeling down so that she was at his eye level. He heard her gentle prattle as she talked softly about anything and everything that came to mind to distract him.

She would make a good mother.

But would he be a good father?

He realised that he had deliberately been avoiding doing any in-depth analysis of his feelings about this fact. He knew why, too. The thought of being a father scared him more deeply than any thing he had ever faced before in his life.

Beverly's eyes were on his, a small smile at the corner of her mouth, that special smile that she used only for him. He couldn't help but return it. The connection between them became palpable, alive.

The feeling called to him, pulling him towards her. They needed no words. They would face this together. He felt himself reach out to her. Beverly caught hold of his hand and put it to her belly. His fingers touched gently, the softest sweetest caress. _My child_, he thought. "I love you," he said.

"I know," she replied.

"Oh, how touching," said Jack.

Jean-Luc pulled back his hand, the private moment between them shattered. He tried to keep his tone even. "I told you to wait outside, and that I would bring Jacob to you."

Behind him Jack bristled with annoyance. "Yeah, well, I got sick of waiting for you to finish pawing my ex wife, so I invited myself in. This is _my_ house, you know." He turned his attention to Jacob and he smiled at his son. It wasn't returned. Jack's smile faltered and turned sour.

Beverly and Jean-Luc exchanged glances.

Not taking his eyes off Jacob, Jack asked, "How is my son?"

"I have helped him change into some fresh clothes." With one last gentle touch to Jacob's cheek she turned to Jack and led him away, speaking softly. "I need to talk to you about the progression of the disease. It seems that Jacob is going to need to be helped full time with his toileting, the Markov's has reached the section of the brain that controls the more primitive functions..."

Jack brushed aside what she was saying. "How long until you can fix him?"

Beverly lowered her voice to a whisper. "Jack, I've told you, I can't cure this. The Markov's disease is too far advanced the neurofibrillary tangles have resulted in irreversible cell death in the frontal lobes." She shook her head sadly. "I will move heaven and earth to try and stop the disease in its tracks, but you have to face reality. Even if I succeed in creating the amyloid protein inhibitors in time, and that's a big _if_, your son will still be disabled. He will stay as he is. I can't get neural tissue to regenerate, we just don't have that technology."

Jack gave her a vicious look. "Are you enjoying using my son to get back at me?"

Beverly was shocked. "What?"

Jack cut her off brusquely. "Is that the real reason why you won't stay and find a cure for him, some perverted kind of revenge, payback for your own dead child?"

Beverly was speechless.

Jack carried on relentlessly. "It seems that you want to leave me stuck with a hopeless pathetic vegetable for a son, that the best I can hope for is that he stops pissing his pants every time he sees me. If you really can't cure him, save us all the trouble. Just tell me how much ambizine goes into the hypo and I'll get rid of the problem myself."

"Jack, stop it, for god's sake," Beverly managed to croak out.

Jean-Luc had heard enough. He tried to keep himself calm, "Beverly, why don't you take Jacob to see Sylvia. She's waiting to see him." His words were light-hearted, but his face betrayed his real feelings.

Jean-Luc watched as Beverly shakily spoke to Jacob, trying to calm him. He could see that her face was pale and pinched and she was close to tears. _Damn the man!_ What the hell was wrong with him? Beverly had nearly driven herself into the ground to help Jacob. Jeopardising her own safety, putting up with Jack's amorous advances and his brutal assault—all for Jacob! He watched as she ushered the boy out of the room. She looked back at him. He tried to smile.

He rounded on Jack. "That was way out of line."

Jack sneered cynically. "What, don't you think that your Beverly would stoop to revenge?"

Jean-Luc ignored the taunt. "I think that you speak the words of a man who will not face the truth. You alone did this to your son. You hid your disease, putting your own selfish needs ahead of your child's. You just can't face the fact that you are the one who has done this to your son, Jack, nobody else. You handed him a death sentence the moment he was conceived. And now that Jacob has proved to be imperfect, you wish to dispose of him." He shook his head. He could feel the disgust twisting inside. "You lied and pulled strings to get Beverly here. She left behind all that mattered to her to stay and help your son. And how did you reward that selfless gift? You attacked her!"

Jack waved his had dismissively. "She goaded me, taunted me. I lashed out. Any man would have done the same."

A sinking feeling of realisation settled on Jean-Luc. "That was not the only time you've hit her is it?"

"Whatever she told you, she's lying."

"And Nova lied and Jacob is also lying." He didn't wait for an answer. "_You_ are the only liar here, Jack."

He watched the other man intently. "You lied to me about your relationship with Beverly."

Jack showed no sign of remorse. He returned Jean-Luc's gaze steadily. "She's my wife."

"You left her, Jack. Beverly is no longer yours," Jean-Luc stated grimly in a clipped voice.

"But she _was _mine." Jack crossed his arms, a small smile on his face. He had found the chink in his friend's armour. "Do you think I didn't see the way you looked at her back then? You wanted her so badly that you couldn't stand to see me touch her. That innocence of hers, oh, Jean-Luc, it was like a drug to me! And the fact that you wanted her so badly only made me more determined to have her. And I did end up having her...in _so_ many ways…" He paused to let that sink in. "Just think, Jean-Luc, every time you are with her in your bed, everything she does to you, she did it to me first. Every sigh, every moan. Tell me, my friend, does she still get off when you…"

Jean-Luc snapped. He had heard enough. "_J'en ai assez!_" His fist flashed eloquently through the air and landed squarely on Jack's jaw. Jack's head snapped back and Jean-Luc watched as he crumpled to the floor. The man sickened him to the core. "_Vous rendre malade_," he said, with the most satisfying sense of finality.

Without looking back, he turned and left the room.

Epilogue

_Beverly_

The day was sunny, unseasonably warm. A light wind touched the tops of the trees, stirring them gently making them sway. It was a day made for beginnings, thought Beverly sadly. Not endings.

She stood with her husband, leaning into him slightly for support. In her arms, she held their child, born just a month before. He stirred in her arms and she kissed him, rocking him gently, to lull him back to sleep.

The funeral service was simple.

There were no tears. Jacob had never liked tears.

His father did not attend. It was better that way. Jack had caused Jacob far too much sorrow.

Sylvia Rourke spoke softly, and although her voice wavered, she did not cry. She spoke of Jacob's bravery, his fight to hold on to life, of the people who had worked so hard to stave off the inevitable. And that the end, when it finally came, was peaceful.

There were only smiles for Jacob, who had fought until the last and now he was at peace. He was where he wanted to be, with Nova and with his brother and nobody who had known him could be sad at the thought of that.

When the short service was over, Sylvia Rourke had come straight over to the Picards. They talked for a while about her last months with Jacob. Sylvia had taken him into her home after Jack had left and had treated Jacob like her own son. She smiled now as she fussed over the new baby for a few minutes, but Beverly could tell there was something on her mind. She wasn't surprised when Sylvia asked to speak with her alone for a moment. Beverly nodded and handed Jean-Luc his child, she watched his face as he held the little boy so close to his heart. Jean-Luc stroked his finger gently along a little bunched fist. He smiled as the baby opened his hand and grasped his finger tightly. He wiggled his finger playfully, marvelling at the little one's ability to hang on. Beverly had watched her husband play this little game with the baby so many times over the last month.

Jean-Luc never seemed to tire of it.

And Beverly never tired of watching him.

She joined Sylvia and they walked silently along the path in the golden sunshine.

At last Sylvia turned to her. "I have something to tell you, Beverly. Now I know you are going to tell me this is medically impossible, but just before Jacob died…" She paused, as emotion overtook her for a moment. She looked across the sweeping green lawn and composed herself. "Just before he died, he spoke to me." Her eyes met Beverly's. "Now I know how unbelievable this sounds, but he told me to tell you that everything would be okay, because his big brother Wes had come for him. He wanted me to tell you he said 'hello.' Do you understand any of this?"

Beverly breath caught in a shocked gasp. She remembered Jacob's promise to her all those months ago. _I will say hello to your baby for you._ Tears filled her eyes and she felt them run down her cheeks, but this time she let them fall, sure that Jacob would understand that these were not tears of sorrow, but ones of thanks for promises kept.

"Yes, Sylvia. I understand what he meant… I understand completely." She gave the older woman's hand a reassuring squeeze. "And no, I will never say it was impossible. It was a beautiful gift from a very special little boy." She gave Sylvia Rourke a warm smile. "Thank you so much for sharing this with me."

She looked back to her husband and child. She would join them in a moment. There was just one more thing she had to do. She stopped at the grave marker and knelt down, just as she had done so many times before to talk to Jacob when he had been alive.

"Goodbye, Jacob," she whispered. "And thank you."

A comforting hand touched her shoulder and then caressed her cheek. "_Ma bien-aimée_," Jean-Luc said tenderly. "It's time to go."

The golden Terran sun was reaching its zenith, leaving the shadows nowhere to hide. Jean-Luc held out his hand to her and Beverly understood then. The universe was a web, where each thread held a future. This one was theirs to hold.

Their future. Their life. Their love.

It was really as beautifully and gloriously simple as that. She took his hand. She had conquered the beasts of the shadows and emerged into the shining light of day.


End file.
